The fluidity of swinging, cuckolding and all that bloody complicated stuff P/T 2 of 3

...........so what does an experienced swinger do when totally out of the blue and unplanned he falls in love? Talk about fucking things up, it messes with everything. More so when things come to a crashing end. What does one do and how does one even begin to get over it?

I had what I felt were two choices crawl into a cave to nurse my wounds or get back on my bike and fight through it as if nothing had happened. I chose the latter. But what if it happens again? Being the type of person that am I am forever analysing. One of my thousand and one theories is that broadly speaking although there can be a blurring of lines, swingers fall into one of two camps. Cold and detached on the surface or.....not sure how to label the other camp, heart on sleeve? emotionally in touch? emotionally in tune? hmm yes I think the last two might be good descriptions.

Anyway in my time as a swinger I have always tried to steer clear of people that choose the cold and detached on the surface approach. In the early days although I would always be polite...I think. 

It tended to piss me off. I saw it as cold dispassionate production line sex. Especially when people told me they have a "no kissing" rule. Boy, whenever I heard that phrase or read that in a profile......."if you don't wanna kiss me I certainly don't wanna fuck you, I'm a person not a f**king prop" .......lets just say it used to put my back up.

However over the years my stance has softened and I now see it as just one of several protection mechanisms that people use to navigate their way through the swinging lifestyle. Particularly with couples. Its just a way of separating what they do as swingers from what they do as a couple behind closed doors. It's still not for me though. It doesn't put my back up any more but for me the no kissing rule is a deal breaker.

So I got right back on my bike and started attending swinging events again. After all I had to start networking again. There were no couples that I was seeing at the time because quite frankly during my time spent with this lady although there was no monogamy on either side I just wasn't that interested in nurturing anything meaningful with anyone else. So in many ways it was very much like starting from scratch again. I had a few encounters but in reality my heart wasn't in it. Any time I drove to an event my thoughts would be consumed by this woman for the whole journey. so although i was able to shut her out of my mind when with someone else, as soon as I made my way home she would be back again. Yes I had fun but deep down I knew it was cold and functional. I'd joined the other camp............damn it man snap out of it and grow some balls I'd say to myself.

So here I am many months later still feeling the ripple effects of the impact this amazing woman had on me. What effect has it had on me. Where do I start? Well I'm still a Dom Bull but I no longer define myself as a Bull with nearly as much of my core sexual identity. I no longer have a single narrowly defined vision about what direction I want go in. Now I see a world of possibilities.

When you fall in love so completely and it comes to a painful end you can protect yourself so it doesn't happen again but thats just not me. I've had a taste of it now and painful as it can be, the flip side is oh so........well a couple of age old sayings have relevance here....better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. This is my favourite though. it has many variations and not normally applied to emotions but I like it.... "It is better to live one day as a lion than a lifetime as a lamb"

Forgive me but my mind is prone to going in all kind of directions, let me explore this thought process for a bit. One could argue that the swingers lifestyle is the emotional equivalent of world war one trenches or a gladiatorial arena. Is there any greater test of resilience where sex and love are concerned? Some survive others perish. You get post traumatic shock or you come out a stronger wiser being.....

The fluidity of swinging, cuckolding and all that bloody complicated stuff P/T 1 of 3

It has been a long time since I wrote my last blog. Why because in truth I just didn't really feel inclined to write yet another blog about an adventure with a couple while there was still a massive elephant in the room. That being the impact a woman had on me that has been so dramatic it just blew everything out of the water and forever altered my perceptions of reality. Even as I type I am hesitant to proceed, however I do find my blogs useful for clearing my thought processes. Besides, there is no law that says I have to publish this so lets see how I feel as I progress through this blog.

One of my reasons for hesitating is the persona one conveys as a Bull and my reluctance to expose any vulnerabilities. Having said that, the reality is that everyone has their vulnerabilities. The only thing that differs is how we carry them.

Beyond the walls of the lifestyle I have always been rather proud of the nicknames given to me by one of my closest friends. He knows just about everything that I get up to and is actually one of the reasons I started blogging in the first place. He kept pushing me to write a book about all my adventures. That sounded like too much hard work so we compromised with me writing a blog instead ;-)

Anyway he often refers to me as a vulcan, Data or Palpatine ( if you ain't a nerd you might not get it ) because of the rational, measured way I approach life even in times of extreme adversity. This has also been the approach used by me in my life as a swinger and for more years than I can remember. My initial reasons for focusing so much on couples had nothing to do with cuckolding. In fact in the early days the word barely registered in my consciousness. Due to my personal circumstances at the time I made the conscious decision to give single women a wide berth. Primarily to reduce the chances of emotional complications. Not just for my own protection but because of the code that I live by. I never want to knowingly be the source of emotional pain for anyone that I encounter.

Navigating the emotional tightrope with the wives and girlfriends of the couples I meet is almost like breathing for me. I don't do it consciously but somehow I just instinctively know how close to get without complications developing. Of course there is the occasional hiccup but more as part of the get to know you process than anything else.

Then it happened......A chance encounter with a single woman at a spa led to a friendship and that friendship led to something more. With her not being married I forgot to put my normal swingers filters up that stop me from getting too close to people. After all that's not what swinging is about.....is it?

I don't want to risk giving away her identity so I'm going to be very vague about my experiences with this woman and also how and why it came to an end. What I will say is this........bloody hell!! Now I get it. Up until meeting this woman I think I was just a casual interested observer of people experiencing the L word when its all consuming. In daily life I have often been the person people come to for advice in times of emotional turmoil. I always thought I gave good advice but never quite understood why friends couldn't quickly pull themselves together when their hearts were broken. Now I get it. Now I know why people curl up with tubs of ice cream, now I know why so many love songs are written and what the words REALLY mean ahhhh!!!

When it was good it was intoxicatingly good. I literally felt like an all powerful super being and that all things were possible. I was so sickeningly happy my non swinging friend wanted to punch me in the face and throw up. When things came to an end it was equally dramatic. I felt like Data with a malfunctioning emotion chip implant ( please forgive the reference if you're not a fellow nerd ). "turn it off, turn it off" were my thoughts.

So what now? Now things are calmer and my resilience is now back, I think, well kinda. Things have changed, I think for the better and my approach to swinging and cuckolding has now changed. All too subtle on the surface but the implications are far reaching.......