......it has taken a while for me to complete this particular blog for a couple of reasons. One because of the fact I have been busy with other things but more importantly because of a need for some kind of resolution. For several months I had been looking forward to a very popular annual swinging event. I knew that it would be a great opportunity to have fun, socialise with like minded people and also figure out what direction I might want to go in next....however at the back of my mind was a feeling that after over a year I might also get an opportunity to meet the woman I had fallen for.
As with a previous festival, although there were multiple opportunities to binge on pleasurable activities. I spent a fair proportion of my time socialising with friends. It was on one of these occasions that I saw her........oh shit!!!! There was me standing in a tent chatting with two couples and then I spotted her sat chatting with a guy just short distance away. I kept my cool and carried on. There was no way she wasn't aware of my presence but like me she carried on chatting as if nothing out of the ordinary was occurring. I felt my heart thumping and my legs go weak. But interestingly not nearly as much as the last time our paths had crossed after things had come to an end.
Boy was I pathetic on that occasion. On reflection I think I came across as needy and weak. I could barely formulate a clear thought at the time. So you can imagine the rubbish that would have spurted out of my mouth lol. By the way I don't beat myself up over how pathetically needy I think I was, my philosophy is to learn from past mistakes. These were emotions never before felt so powerfully and deeply and they had to be expressed one way or another. Had I hoped to win her back at the time I couldn't have more effectively repelled her. After all it was my mental strength and inner confidence that had first played a part in turning her head.
When my conversation with my friends came to an end I approached her. This was to be the first of a number of encounters over the long weekend. Each time it got a little easier but by the end of the weekend it was clear that for the first time in my life there was to be no post relationship friendship. For reasons only known to her it was clear that she had constructed a well fortified impenetrable emotional fortress.
For me this was sad for a number of reasons. I had lost all sexual desire for this lady long ago. The thing that I now missed most was her companionship and friendship. She is a very intelligent powerful woman and I was always drawn to those qualities in her. I was also drawn to the more vulnerable side of her nature. She always had and still did carry herself with a unique confidence all of her own, but I had known her well enough to see right through it. I have my theories for the reasons but I never tried too hard to unpick them as I had hoped that over time this amazing woman would have realised that she was safe in my hands and opened up to me more freely. I also regretted the fact that I would not get the opportunity to thank her for the positive impact she has had on me. Yes there is pain but there have been so many positives too. However this was not to be. There wasn't even the slightest chink in her armour. Perhaps because of her personality, perhaps it was her way of being cruel to be kind or perhaps it was a combination of the two.
Either way I now finally knew with concrete certainty where I stood. So when I got home I suddenly felt free, unburdened and able to move on emotionally . Up until this point no one stood a chance of even getting close to capturing my heart. In some ways I am a typical swinger, I get restless and easily bored. More often that not it would suite me not to meet someone more than once or twice a month and even that would be pushing it. But with the woman I fell for, even when we had met several times a week I was never bored and would begin to miss her even as I dropped her off and lost sight of her through my rear view mirror. Yep I had it bad, no one could compete with the memory of this woman. Plus there was always the thought at the back of my mind..."what if out paths cross and she comes back into my life?"....Talk about my Achilles heel!!
Enough time has now passed for me to realise that I haven't suddenly turned into some kind of emotional wreck. I simply accepted the fact....concluded, that some people can have such an overwhelming impact on you that you are literally defenceless. So I asked myself what am I to learn from this rollercoaster experience. Am I to put up defensive walls to protect myself from harms way? In short "hell no"
Life is for living. The way I see it you can't numb yourself from the deepest pain without numbing yourself from the possibility of the purest joy. Although all too brief I have had a taste of it now and I would like it again thank you very much. It also dawned on me that my effectiveness as a Bull meeting couples has relied on my natural ability to numb my emotions to a certain extent while still being in tune with the needs of the couples that I have encountered. In my fantasies from the perspective of a Bull the ultimate cuckold couple would be ready willing and able to to put the time and commitment into making an arrangement or relationship like this work. However experience has taught me that a deep interest in cuckolding is not the same as a commitment to cuckolding as a lifestyle. In all my years of indulging in cuckold play with couples. It was only with one couple the potential for growth into a genuine poly type relationship looked like a potential reality. By the way this has never been a problem for me. I was content with however things might have panned out. However as a result I have always held something back. With couples, especially cuckold couples I have always felt that this was always the best way to proceed. Slow, steady, with keen observation of the couple's relationship dynamic and patience. Always mindful never to fully unleash my passions until or unless I felt that the situation warranted it.
But that is no longer enough and I am now at a point where it feels like focusing on couples is too much like putting all my eggs in one basket. Although I have now met a couple of single ladies. Prior to my final encounter with the woman I fell for. When meeting single women I was guiltily of unfairly comparing them to her.
Now for the first time in a long while I feel free to be me, raw and unfiltered. This freedom was perfectly expressed at a third festival that ended just yesterday morning. There was me at a bar chatting with a couple when I felt the back of my head being sensually scratched. I turned around to discover an attractive woman looking and smiling at me. I laughed light heartedly looked away then looked back again. She was still focused on me so this time I looked back with an unmasked intensity I don't quite allow myself with other peoples wives and girlfriends. Experience can give you what feels like a sixth sense. So when you really look at someone sometimes there are no need for words. So none were said we just kissed with a passionate intensity. The same thing occurred again with this woman on the second night of the festival. Although we conversed afterwards when we first saw each other in a social setting we locked eyes on each other again. There simply were no need for words. The body language and eye contact had left no requirement for a verbal translation.
So where do I go from here. Will I finally find the right couple or does my destiny lie with an open minded women, this time on a path like mine. Or will it be both? Both would be nice because I really enjoy meeting couples and the pleasure I get while an in-love couple kiss while licking and sucking my cock together is nothing short of heavenly bliss. However, horny as that may be it falls a poor second place to spending quality time with the right woman and waking up in the morning to the feel of her arm resting gently on my chest. I hope I am able to get the best of both worlds.
Not that I intend to paint myself into a corner but if I had to choose between an open minded love interest or the ultimate fantasy cuckold couple? Well I think by this point you can guess which one I would go for. I honestly have no idea what the future has in store for me, but for me the unknown is now an open invitation for adventure.
Either way I now finally knew with concrete certainty where I stood. So when I got home I suddenly felt free, unburdened and able to move on emotionally . Up until this point no one stood a chance of even getting close to capturing my heart. In some ways I am a typical swinger, I get restless and easily bored. More often that not it would suite me not to meet someone more than once or twice a month and even that would be pushing it. But with the woman I fell for, even when we had met several times a week I was never bored and would begin to miss her even as I dropped her off and lost sight of her through my rear view mirror. Yep I had it bad, no one could compete with the memory of this woman. Plus there was always the thought at the back of my mind..."what if out paths cross and she comes back into my life?"....Talk about my Achilles heel!!
Enough time has now passed for me to realise that I haven't suddenly turned into some kind of emotional wreck. I simply accepted the fact....concluded, that some people can have such an overwhelming impact on you that you are literally defenceless. So I asked myself what am I to learn from this rollercoaster experience. Am I to put up defensive walls to protect myself from harms way? In short "hell no"
Life is for living. The way I see it you can't numb yourself from the deepest pain without numbing yourself from the possibility of the purest joy. Although all too brief I have had a taste of it now and I would like it again thank you very much. It also dawned on me that my effectiveness as a Bull meeting couples has relied on my natural ability to numb my emotions to a certain extent while still being in tune with the needs of the couples that I have encountered. In my fantasies from the perspective of a Bull the ultimate cuckold couple would be ready willing and able to to put the time and commitment into making an arrangement or relationship like this work. However experience has taught me that a deep interest in cuckolding is not the same as a commitment to cuckolding as a lifestyle. In all my years of indulging in cuckold play with couples. It was only with one couple the potential for growth into a genuine poly type relationship looked like a potential reality. By the way this has never been a problem for me. I was content with however things might have panned out. However as a result I have always held something back. With couples, especially cuckold couples I have always felt that this was always the best way to proceed. Slow, steady, with keen observation of the couple's relationship dynamic and patience. Always mindful never to fully unleash my passions until or unless I felt that the situation warranted it.
But that is no longer enough and I am now at a point where it feels like focusing on couples is too much like putting all my eggs in one basket. Although I have now met a couple of single ladies. Prior to my final encounter with the woman I fell for. When meeting single women I was guiltily of unfairly comparing them to her.
Now for the first time in a long while I feel free to be me, raw and unfiltered. This freedom was perfectly expressed at a third festival that ended just yesterday morning. There was me at a bar chatting with a couple when I felt the back of my head being sensually scratched. I turned around to discover an attractive woman looking and smiling at me. I laughed light heartedly looked away then looked back again. She was still focused on me so this time I looked back with an unmasked intensity I don't quite allow myself with other peoples wives and girlfriends. Experience can give you what feels like a sixth sense. So when you really look at someone sometimes there are no need for words. So none were said we just kissed with a passionate intensity. The same thing occurred again with this woman on the second night of the festival. Although we conversed afterwards when we first saw each other in a social setting we locked eyes on each other again. There simply were no need for words. The body language and eye contact had left no requirement for a verbal translation.
So where do I go from here. Will I finally find the right couple or does my destiny lie with an open minded women, this time on a path like mine. Or will it be both? Both would be nice because I really enjoy meeting couples and the pleasure I get while an in-love couple kiss while licking and sucking my cock together is nothing short of heavenly bliss. However, horny as that may be it falls a poor second place to spending quality time with the right woman and waking up in the morning to the feel of her arm resting gently on my chest. I hope I am able to get the best of both worlds.
Not that I intend to paint myself into a corner but if I had to choose between an open minded love interest or the ultimate fantasy cuckold couple? Well I think by this point you can guess which one I would go for. I honestly have no idea what the future has in store for me, but for me the unknown is now an open invitation for adventure.
