That Unspoken Taboo That Scares The Shit Out Of Most....... 😳👎🏿 or 😁👍🏿

Across both swinging and fetish spaces, I've noticed something curious. We celebrate our deviance. We embrace kinks, edge play, fluid bonding, group dynamics, identity explorations, and more. And yet — there’s still one thing that sits deeper in the shadows than all the rest.

One desire that people either run from, deny, or pursue quietly, almost apologetically with a sense of self conscious shame and embarrassment.

I call it the ultimate taboo.

It gets whispered in late-night messages, hinted at in cryptic profiles, and avoided altogether by those who fear the intensity it can unleash. Hey I can empathize understand why. Much like fire or nuclear energy, it holds immense power. Mishandled, it burns and devastates. Ignored, it festers. But when the right conditions are present? It can become a limitless source of......

Let me be clear: I don’t pursue this desire out of desperation and oh do I try my best not to try to light a spark where the wood is wet. Not every connection is meant to hold this kind of fire. But when the conditions are right, I won’t shy away from it. I choose to harness it.

Because I’m not afraid of depth. Of surrender. Of risk. Of what it awakens in others — or in me.

I seek it in its purest form — because only then is it truly authentic.

Un-corrupted, it becomes the ultimate expression of mutual freedom.

It’s the one taboo that, when fully embraced, gives every other taboo a depth and intensity nothing else can match. But that’s exactly why it can’t be forced.

It has to happen organically — with honesty, courage, and alignment.

Because if it doesn’t, the pursuit becomes just a hollow chase… and the real thing slips further out of reach.

Have you figured it out yet. I wonder what perverted cravings are running through you mind right now?

No — it’s NOT centered on copious amounts of cum involving multiple......sorry I got a bit distracted for a moment...where was I? Ah yes...

Hell it's even more of a taboo than a guy admitting to being an enthusiastic cock sucker in a room full of heterosexual men 🤣🤣.

Dare I say… it’s even more polarizing than the mere mention of SCAT......that's not one of mine I hasten to add but neither am I one to kink shame. I'm always rather intrigued whenever I meet people who out perv me or have a higher sex drive.....damn it, I got side tracked again.

Back to the topic in hand......

And it's because I see this taboo — that in its purest form knows no limits, no hierarchy, no script — that I’ve chosen the path of solo polyamory and relationship anarchy. Where connection is led by authenticity, not obligation. Where depth is not defined by exclusivity. And where this “taboo” can be honored without fear or feelings of self consciousness.

Yes — this Taboo is THE big one.

The most polarizing four-letter expletive of them all:

L O V E.

Club BiVersity - Diverse Desires: Bi, Pan, Kinky & Culture-Rich - London

Desire across racial lines is real. It’s everywhere in kink, swinging, and open relationship spaces—and it’s something I’ve felt, witnessed, and lived.

I’ve been in relationships with women from all kinds of backgrounds. Not because I collect cultures, but because the connection was real. Because I was seen—not “just” as a black man or a good fuck—but as a whole person. As a Black man whose life experiences, worldview, and cultural context weren’t brushed over or treated like background noise. I was met fully—and those relationships only deepened because of that.

That’s what appreciation looks like.

When it comes to Black women… I’m in awe. Oh fuck do I love my black women. The beauty, the oh so deeply feminine power, the presence—it moves me. And there’s something deeply satisfying, even heartwarming, about seeing Black women I know—whether partners or friends—being genuinely appreciated by men of other backgrounds. When I see a connection that’s mutual, grounded, and emotionally aware, it’s beautiful.

But when I sense fetishisation—when I catch even a hint of “I’ve always wanted to try a Black woman”—I’m out. I feel repelled. Why? because I know what’s underneath that phrasing: a stripping away of personhood. A desire based on myth, not truth.

That same line applies to me, too. If someone’s desire for me is rooted in a surface-level curiosity, or some "bucket list" mentality, I’m already halfway gone. I don’t care how hot the surface energy is—if I don’t feel seen, it’s empty.

Now, here’s something else I’ve noticed over time: amber flags that show up within our own racial communities. Like when someone says, “I just don’t date people from my own background.” That just doesn’t sit right with me—for some, I know it can be rooted in trauma or difficult experiences they’d rather not relive. I can hold space for that. I get it… to an extent…..which is why it’s an amber flag as opposed to being bright red.

But it’s still something I take note of. Because when desire becomes a way of distancing from yourself or your community, I can’t help but wonder what parts of yourself you're trying not to face. And I know I’ll eventually be asked to participate in that avoidance that might inadvertently chip away at my own self-worth if that woman is black .

Anyway, when I do sense genuine appreciation—when someone connects with the fullness of who I am, and wants me, not just my background or the fantasy of it—that’s something else entirely. That’s real. That’s powerful. That’s hot.

And yeah… when it’s done right? When two people meet each other fully, even across differences? When there’s respect, desire, and mutual clarity? It’s horny as fuck. That part’s not lost on me. But it’s the bonus—not the foundation.

That’s why I’m intentional about the creation of Club BiVersity, we don’t pretend colour doesn’t exist. We don’t claim to be “post-racial.” We centre the reality that our identities do shape how we show up—and that’s not something to fear. It’s something to honour.

So if you’re navigating desire across race, culture, or ethnicity—whether you’re Black, Brown, white, or mixed—my take is this:
Be honest with yourself. Yes be curious about others but also be mindful to pay attention to what you’re drawn to—and why.

Because when appreciation is real? When it’s layered, conscious, and rooted in seeing the whole person? That’s where beauty lives. That’s where pleasure deepens. That’s where sex, love, and kink can be fucking awesome.

Want to join our private Telegram group. Or perhaps you want to learn a bit more about Club BiVersity?

Join our FetLife Group to stay updated https://fetlife.com/groups/172611

The cuckold emissary vs the FLR cuckoldress PART TWO

It’s been a long time coming but now feels like a good time to finally bring this two part blog to its natural conclusion. Lockdown is now a reasonably distant memory and my enforced 18 month celibacy is just as distant…..thank fuck for that right?

I’m grateful to now be in a much better position. I’m no longer single and I’m lucky enough to have a partner who is totally accepting and understanding of my long held addiction for couples. This by the way is no accident. Covid has had the effect of reinforcing my belief that life is there to be lived and that one shouldn’t compromise on what one wants. Naturally there is a caveat, it being so long as no one else is hurt or harmed.

Anyway, in the first part of this blog I touched on the subject of cuckold couples that have a dynamic that is totally led by the female half of the couple. Based on what I know I would have to conclude that truly female led cuckold relationships (FLR) are extremely rare. However there does appear to be a sizable proportion of couples in which it is something of a grey area. What do I mean by that? Well in all my years of meeting couples I can only think of one with whom the whole get to know you process was with the lady until finally meeting in person. That was a strange one for me because I usually have a very good idea of what makes the cuckold tick. It worked out very nicely though. They were one of the two couples that I met at the very last party I attended before covid. Within moments of finding a room to play in as soon as I leaned over the sexy lady he sank to his knees parted my cheeks and worshiped my arse with his tongue.........without being prompted, he seemed very content 😈

Now where was I ah yes, within the FLR spectrum most of the time the first move will have been made by the couple together and over time once trust has been established the cuckold takes a back seat leaving me and his love to get closer to each other to form a nice bond. 

Bond huh. Talk about playing with fire remember the first part of this blog when I mentioned that lifestyle cuckolding is a bit like an extreme sport? Boy did I fuck up in my early days. This was back when I played with couples in more of a hotwife dynamic. I don't think I even knew of the existence of the word cuckold in those days. Anyway I used to text and call one particular wife on a very regular basis.. I'm talking multiple text messages on an almost daily basis. Long story short we both confused lust and infatuation with love and......oh boy were we silly. Retrospectively comical in some ways but still very very.......very silly. 

From time to time her husband would text me saying no calls/text's tonight I need my wife to myself and although I always respected and went along with his specific requests I was in way too deep. I hasten to add that I never repeated that mistake and the lessons of that "relationship" have served me well with knowing what lines not to cross. Life is a classroom right?

One of the biggest lessons that I learnt was although you can't control feelings you can control what you do about them and when you nurture those feelings that's a conscious decision. Some of you may disagree with this conclusion but it's my truth. This is how I navigate the potentially dangerous minefield when everyone has agreed to meet on a regular basis.

This leads neatly on to some of the differences between getting close to a couple with a FLR dynamic. It's a different kind of "interview" process. Of course I can't claim to be intimately knowledgeable of the mind of a woman but I do think I've picked up a few insights over the years. I think a woman wants to feel safe with her Bull not just physically but emotionally too and one area of caution from the hotwife's perspective is her need to be sure that the Bull doesn't forget the boundaries that are set by a couple. An experienced Bull will know this instinctively so even if he is dealing with an inexperienced couple he will know what lined not to cross and crucially he will never exploit his superior knowledge to the detriment of the sanctity of the couples relationship.

An inexperienced single male who hasn't done his homework might charge in head first like a ..........Bull 🤣 and get carried away with what I call the fake pantomime of humiliating the cuckold. A more experienced Bull will never assume that the cuckold craves humiliation and knows that even if he does they may not want it to be directed at them by the Bull. When a Bull conveys this understanding to the lady and sees that outside of "play" the Bull clearly respects the man she loves it frees her to let her guard down and that's when all the fun begins 😈

Desire vs fetishization – My take when its interracial

Maybe it’s all in my imagination but these days we seem to be living in a world of tribalistic extremes. Something that makes absolutely no sense to me because there is nothing more complex than the mind of a human being.

My sex life has often had an interracial dynamic but I am always aware that there is sometimes a delicate balance to be had and I am mindful not to inadvertently fetishize someone with a background different to my own or indeed put myself in situations where I feel fetishized.

I love what feels safe and familiar some things need not be communicated verbally…….you just know. But I am also forever curious about what makes us all different. When I watched a white guy fuck my ex I found it sexy as fuck and I tapped into my wank bank streaming service for weeks afterwards.

On the flip side when a guy guides my cock into his lady and her skin complexion is different to mine it’s sexy as fuck when all three of us get to admire the contrast as I slide in and out of her special yummy place. That curiosity for something different has certainly played a role in my non-monogamous sexual journey over the years. However on the flip side because I’m repelled by fetishization I was and never will be the “perfect” swinger. Even before I heard the word I have always drifted in the direction that could lead to polyamory and shied away from ONS whenever possible.

It's easy to side-step the extreme end of fetishization because the tell-tale signs soooooo blatantly obvious. With the more subtle levels it not so easy but in my experience pausing, not making assumptions and taking the time to get to know a person always helps.

A Polyamorous Bi Black Bull. Is That A Thing??? Part 1 of 3

It's Monday morning and I'm now just days away from attending an interracial swingers partly with a theme that caters more closely and overtly to my sexual preferences. It’s the BMFC Bull night at Xtasia’s. It's because of the theme that I'm prepared to make the long trip......long for us Londoner anyway 🤣. Interestingly the very last time I made the trip was shortly before the first Covid lockdown back in early 2020. 

Talk about a cruel twist of fate. At the time I was just coming out of a long-term relationship. Although we would sometimes swing as a couple there were no opportunities for me to continue with my adventures as a Bull with couples. Until that last party I hadn't quite realised how much I had missed meeting couples within the cuckolding dynamic. Getting to know couples beforehand has always been a more natural approach for me and this was very much the case that night.  

I host a very discreet carefully vetted messaging app chat group that caters exclusively to swingers who enjoy interracial fun with bicurious and bisexual black men. Some of the members attended that night and I was lucky enough to have fun with two of the couples. Both were very different and that was reflected in the type of fun that I had with each one. I've gone into this in more detail in a previous blog so in this one I will just summarise. 

The first couple was the older of the two. I don't think I will ever get over the rush that I get from being able to openly flirt with another man’s wife in his presence it’s so NOT the right and proper thing to do mmmmmmm. What's also a rush is witnessing the excitement of cuckolds when they know that they don't have to keep a distance when I'm having fun with their wives. The cuckold from the slightly older couple wasted no time when we got into one of Xtasia’s private playrooms. After lots of sensual kissing we all got naked. As soon as I leant over to taste his wife's pussy the cuck went straight for my arse and started rimming me. His pent up desire to "service me" as the Bull was horny as fuck. 

With the second younger couple the dynamic was very different. We met by the edge of the dance floor and within moments the wife and me were kissing. It was instinctive and we could barely keep our hands of each other. The BDSM Dom in me sensed her submissive side but more importantly what kind of sub she was, so I gave her a task. It was to fuck as many black men as took her fancy and to come to my hotel room later that night. That she did and boy did we have fun. As a reward for being such a good sub I made one of her fantasies come true by later inviting one of the guys from my chat group into the room. Her cuckold was a bit on the shy side so he didn't get quite as involved as the first one.  

Fast forward to now it's April 2022 The BMFC (Black Mans Fan Club) party is just days away but my personal circumstances are rather different. So what will my approach be this time around? hmmmmmm.... 

The cuckold emissary vs the FLR cuckoldress PART ONE

Its funny, years back when I first started blogging although I enjoyed sharing my thought process the main theme of my blogs was to titillate by describing in detail what I got up to with the couples that I was meeting at the time. These days I'm a little more reflective but I still like to throw in a few juicy bits. Another reason why my blogs are currently more reflective is the blue balls inducing fact that I don't have a regular cuckold couple that I am able to see on a regular basis. There was me ever so patiently building potential foundations with a handful of couples and then....BAM!!!

 Covin-19 *#%!!#!!# grrrrrr. damn, am I going to have to start all over again whenever when is??

Oh well I'm just going to have to find a way to make the most of a not very nice at all situation. Maybe its an age thing but the older I get the more I find myself less interested in one off swinging meets with couples and more interested in arrangements with couples that are semi-regular in nature. Its not exactly a new thought process for me and I have no doubt that it has a lot to do with why I am so powerfully drawn to cuckold couples in particular. 

Now don't get me wrong I love having fun with hotwife and bi couples (especially because I'm now a cock sucker too) but with cuckold couples there is a delicately nuanced distinction that generally speaking isn't there with other dynamics. Of course this is is an over simplification that doesn't take into account the oh so many shades of grey and yes there are always exceptions to this rule but please accept my polite request to bear with me.

A cuckold is much more likely to flirt with the ultimate danger the Icarus's of the swinging world perhaps. Although the term Bull is used a passionate cuckold is actually flirting with the concept of a Bull in all but name being his wife's lover. If swinging is a danger sport then the cuckold lifestyle in its purest form must be the most high octane adrenaline inducing no safety net danger sport there is.

As a swinger with experience of shared adventures with past girlfriends I'm able to tap into and understand those desires. As a Bull forever addicted to the cerebral intoxication I get when I take another mans wife I get it on that level too. Its deep and its primal. As a compassionate empathetic human being I also understand my responsibilities. And that’s why I enjoy getting to know...

THE CUCKOLD EMISSARY

Although there are always exceptions more often that not my first contact with a cuckold couple from sites like Hotwifing and FabSwingers is via the husband/boyfriend. Its usually him that had the fantasy first and even when that’s not the case he is the one most likely to fixate on and dedicate time towards turning the fantasy into a reality. More often that not the wife has "better things to do with her time" especially in the early stages.

By the way this is one of the aspects of the lifestyle that I really enjoy. sometimes it feels like a game of chess that can span weeks, months and yes even years. However unlike in chess, everyone wins.

I do have a caveat though having to weed out time wasting fantasists is the part I loath. Experience is forever finetuning my bullshit detector so although I'm getting better I loath fantasists who have no intention of ever revealing their fantasy to their wives. Its a total waste of my time, time that could have been better spent getting to know a genuine cuckold. I don't have a problem with fantasist who are up front about just being a fantasist though I just wish more of them would be more honest both to me and themselves. 

In my opinion if you're an experienced Bull you need to be aware of the fact that you are both the interviewer and interviewee that you are both the hunter and the hunted. The cuckold is sizing you up. He wants to know if you are the real deal. Are you a Bull or are you just another guy looking for an angle to get an easy fuck with his Mrs. If things develop and you end up spending time alone with his wife are you the kind of man who will want to have is wife or HAVE his wife. When alone with her are you going to indulge in fun filth and escapism with her or are you going to plot and try to plant seeds with the selfish goal of sabotaging their relationship? If the three of you are to have shared experiences how happy are you to with involving the cuckold. Will you ignore the cuckold, tolerate him or relish his involvement?

Speaking as someone who has previously been part of a couple who swings they were certainly some of the questions that would pass through my mind.

So what about now what matters to me from the Bulls perspective? I will want to know how experienced they are with the cuckold dynamic. Are they virgins, are transitioning from a swinging dynamic. Are they cuckold lifestylers or do they prefer to dip in and out for a bit of fun now and then. Does the cuckold have his wife’s blessing and if he does are their desires aligned enough to not be a source of friction. Is the cuck submissive to his core or an Alpha cuck. Are they looking for exclusivity a main Bull a handful of, or many Bulls? All these questions and more need to be delved into.

As a Bull I am fully aware of my need to be flexible. But I too have needs and have to be mindful to not compromise on a few core areas that are important to me and my desires.

.....PHEW!!! That sounds like a lot of hard work you might say....well it is. To my mind if you are more closely aligned to the cuckold dynamic as opposed to for example the Hotwife, Stag/Vixen dynamic you're not going to be fucking as many women. It can be oh so frustrating and the successes can sometimes be few and far between. Its for that reason that I shook things up a bit some years back. After all Bulls have a rather high sex drive and blue balls are blue balls lol

So you may ask..."is there a plus side to spending all that time chatting with a cuckold?"

Fuck yes!!

If the couple are close, highly communicative and emotionally in tune with each other the cuckold knows his woman. He knows what she likes and if he likes you he will do everything in his power to ensure that when you do finally communicate with or meet his wife in person just about every obstacle to you having her has been demolished.....that's if you have been paying attention and asking the right questions.

Speaking personally that’s not the only reason I like to get to know the cuckold. I'm actually a pretty sociable person and enjoy spending time with people who have a shared interest and what can be more engrossing than two men that two men with a shared passion for the cuck lifestyle and the same woman. Its genuinely an honour when a cuckold proudly shows off about his wife to me, trusts me enough to open up be vulnerable and let me "have" the love of his life. That’s the happy hedonistic side of me speaking.

The dark deviant perv in me remembers all I know about the cuckold when I'm spending time with his wife not so much when I have her to myself but when the cuck is in the room my knowledge of him as a person adds to my pleasure. I know how he feels when I'm kissing his wife. I know what’s going through his mind when he guides my cock into his loved ones pussy....and if he is a jealous cuckold with any overt or closet bi tendencies my dark twisted side relishes the mental roller coaster ride of the cuckold.

One of the things I relish most when a jealous bi cuckold is in the room is not just his jealous arousal of me when I kiss and fuck his wife but his envy of his wife because I'm fucking her and not him. That all he gets to do is suck my cock but his deeper desire to be fucked my me goes unfulfilled....oh yes my dark evil side relishes his turmoil.

BUT!!

Everything I just said is meaningless if one key element isn't in place its the woman who has the final say. Bond all you like with the cuckold emissary if his partner isn't on board two? Well it ain't gonna happen is it lol

That's what makes it extra interesting on the rarer occasions when its actually the wife or girlfriend who reaches out to me first. I'll talk about that in PART TWO

Aren't you a little short to be a Bull? Part 3 of 3

As hinted at one of the couples at the party I organised had asked if it would be ok to stay the night. It was a suggestion that I was more than happy with because during the party itself I was in host mode and not the least bit horny. I just wanted to be sure that everyone invited had a good time. 

I had invited a black Domme friend to help host, four other bi leaning black Bulls and four couples. I already knew all of the four couples who accepted my party invitation and of the four I already knew three of the women.....biblically ;-). Although I didn't know the Bulls as well as the couples I had been in conversation with them for quite a while and was confident that they were the kind of black men who would represent themselves favourably. 

Hosting a successful party and ensuring that everyone had a good time was my priority that night and because I knew two of the couples particularly well I knew that even if I didn't get to fuck that night I would soon after.

I need not have worried.

I kicked everyone out at around 3am so now it was just me and the bi couple. Oh by the way two of the couples had bi males and the other two were cuckold males. That's why I had carefully vetted the invited Bulls to ensure that they were at least bi curious.

Anyway we settled into one of the beds together chatted about how sussesful the party had been and then I started to kiss Rose. I always love kissing her she's so good with her mouth so I'm quite addicted. Her husband Jim loves stroking my cock. So he wet his hand and a bit and got to work caressing my shaft and gently wanking me off mmmmmmm.

Because of the trust and openness between us whenever we've met we've know when I need to use a condom and when not to. This was to be one of those rare times when no condom was required. Jim loves teasing Rose's pussy with my cock and I quite like it too ;-) I get so worked up I start leaking precum. You don't see the droplets for long though because I'm now slowly dipping my helmet in her oh so wet sounding pussy.

By this point we're all making pleasurable moaning noises. I'm loving the fact that both of them are closely observing my cock and we are all relishing the asthetics of our contrasting skin colour. It feels so good being inside Rose while Jim gently caresses my balls. After a while the teasing is too much for Jim so he puts his hand on my arse and gently pushes me all the way into his wife mmmmmmm.

He then went to the other end of the bed and sliped his cock im his wife's mouth. As mentioned before Jim's cock is both long and thick and has the effect of intimidating some of the black guys that they have met. Not me though. I thought his cock looked amazing in his wife's mouth. So much so that I felt compelled to suck it. I wrestled with the idea for a few minites. But in the end I thought "fuck why not"

So now not only was I fucking Rose bareback but I was also kissing her and sucking and licking her husbands cock with her too. Man what a sweet mind fuck that was for me mmmmm.

Now because Of Jim's size Rose always has to be brace her self and feel ready before she lets him inside her. So when they go to swinging events she doesn't let him fuck her until she feels that she has had her share of fun. That point came and Rose asked me to cum inside her. By this point I no longer had Jim's cock in my mouth. He was somewhere to the side of us and it was just Rose and me passionately kissing and fucking. Fuck she's good...talking to me with that soft sexy voice until I  erupted inside her. When I pulled out Jim wasted no time and excitedly slipped his cock in his sexy wife. The voyeur in me drank it all in. Both were obviously feeling horny as fuck and Jim was particularly turned on by the fact that my creamy load was sloshing around his cock and providing more than  ample lubrication as he fucked his wife. He finally gasped with pleasure shot his load and eventually flopped to the side of the bed too.

Jim kept going on about how good it felt to fuck Rose with my cum inside her. Fuck I though...I know were safe today so why not make the most of it I thought. Long story short we both took turns having sloppy secounds. Its a while ago now so I don't remember if either of us came in Rose again that night. But her pussy was so full of cum lubrication it wouldn't have made a difference. 

I will never forget that night. Its memorable because of the shear lustful filth between us and from my perspective because it was the night I because a card carrying cock sucker.

So back to the original question in this blog. Does size matter? 

Yes....

and no

Its vaugue I know but also true. Its better to ask yourself that question. Does size matter to you? If the answer is yes yes and YES then you know what to look for. 

But if it is just one of a number of factors that lead to a whole greater than the sum of its parts then you too should know what to look for.

What's my take on it? Well I have a pragmatic, hedonistic swingers mindset. So if I'm free to salivate over tall, short gym fit, curvy, PAWG etc etc etc women why shouldn't women be entitled to the same? Some women want to be stuffed full all of the time. Some want it now and then or as an occasional treat and some run a mile from the porn sized cock. 

If I'm with a woman its because I like her and that most important ingrdient is in place...chemistry. 

In that moment she is all I want, desire or need. So on the flip side I expect the same from her. I don't care if she wants a man with a bigger cock next week as long as when with me she is 100% in the moment. Its me and my cock that matters most to her.