Club BiVersity - Diverse Desires: Bi, Pan, Kinky & Culture-Rich - London

Desire across racial lines is real. It’s everywhere in kink, swinging, and open relationship spaces—and it’s something I’ve felt, witnessed, and lived.

I’ve been in relationships with women from all kinds of backgrounds. Not because I collect cultures, but because the connection was real. Because I was seen—not “just” as a black man or a good fuck—but as a whole person. As a Black man whose life experiences, worldview, and cultural context weren’t brushed over or treated like background noise. I was met fully—and those relationships only deepened because of that.

That’s what appreciation looks like.

When it comes to Black women… I’m in awe. Oh fuck do I love my black women. The beauty, the oh so deeply feminine power, the presence—it moves me. And there’s something deeply satisfying, even heartwarming, about seeing Black women I know—whether partners or friends—being genuinely appreciated by men of other backgrounds. When I see a connection that’s mutual, grounded, and emotionally aware, it’s beautiful.

But when I sense fetishisation—when I catch even a hint of “I’ve always wanted to try a Black woman”—I’m out. I feel repelled. Why? because I know what’s underneath that phrasing: a stripping away of personhood. A desire based on myth, not truth.

That same line applies to me, too. If someone’s desire for me is rooted in a surface-level curiosity, or some "bucket list" mentality, I’m already halfway gone. I don’t care how hot the surface energy is—if I don’t feel seen, it’s empty.

Now, here’s something else I’ve noticed over time: amber flags that show up within our own racial communities. Like when someone says, “I just don’t date people from my own background.” That just doesn’t sit right with me—for some, I know it can be rooted in trauma or difficult experiences they’d rather not relive. I can hold space for that. I get it… to an extent…..which is why it’s an amber flag as opposed to being bright red.

But it’s still something I take note of. Because when desire becomes a way of distancing from yourself or your community, I can’t help but wonder what parts of yourself you're trying not to face. And I know I’ll eventually be asked to participate in that avoidance that might inadvertently chip away at my own self-worth if that woman is black .

Anyway, when I do sense genuine appreciation—when someone connects with the fullness of who I am, and wants me, not just my background or the fantasy of it—that’s something else entirely. That’s real. That’s powerful. That’s hot.

And yeah… when it’s done right? When two people meet each other fully, even across differences? When there’s respect, desire, and mutual clarity? It’s horny as fuck. That part’s not lost on me. But it’s the bonus—not the foundation.

That’s why I’m intentional about the creation of Club BiVersity, we don’t pretend colour doesn’t exist. We don’t claim to be “post-racial.” We centre the reality that our identities do shape how we show up—and that’s not something to fear. It’s something to honour.

So if you’re navigating desire across race, culture, or ethnicity—whether you’re Black, Brown, white, or mixed—my take is this:
Be honest with yourself. Yes be curious about others but also be mindful to pay attention to what you’re drawn to—and why.

Because when appreciation is real? When it’s layered, conscious, and rooted in seeing the whole person? That’s where beauty lives. That’s where pleasure deepens. That’s where sex, love, and kink can be fucking awesome.

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Swinging, cuckolding and the dreaded L word Part 2 of 3

The problem with people is that they are not robots.  Now this may seem like an obvious and bland statement but in the world of swinging and cuckolding it is both important and relevant. It is one thing to fantasise about consequence free sexual adventure but in fantasy that spanner in the works called emotion can often be underestimated when finally turning that fantasy into reality.

Until I see something to the contrary my experience tells me that there is no such thing as no strings attached sex. Emotions will always play a part even if at a very low level. It may be from you, the person you are having sex with or your partner. The key is to acknowledge it and deal with those emotions in a way that works best for you as an individual or as part of a couple. One coping strategy that used to irritate the hell out of me is the no kissing rule. I would still never knowingly meet a couple if not allowed to kiss the wife. But I do now have a more sympathetic understanding of the reasoning behind that stance.

Similarly I have to try not to be offended when invited to Gang Bangs by couples. Sure as a young buck I would have jumped at the opportunity but now as a more experienced mature Dom Bull I have to fight the compulsion not to be offended. I see myself as a lone wolf. Certainly not part of the pack. Actually let me be honest with you. Being invited to gang bangs does still offend me but I can understand how for some couples it creates a clearer distinction between their own love making and and fun they might have with others to enhance or compliment the sexual aspects of their relationship. So when asked I count to ten and fight down the urge to say "I'm a man not a f#*@ing prop you f##*ing ........." 1,2, 3..........easy boy lol....and yet the is always an exception to the rule. Late last year I went to a small swingers party in a warehouse close to Gatwick airport. Not a very busy event and there were only a handful of couple ladies and single guys but it worked.

Everyone was chilled out relaxed, friendly and conversational. At one point I went upstairs for a bit of a perv. A dominant husband was kissing and fingering his submissive wife. He momentarily paused to announce that anyone could join in and that the basic rule was that only one other person could touch her at any one time. Normally I would have switched off completely because nothing puts my back up more than being told what to do by a pushy, over eager or arrogant husband. But this couple had a friendly playful air about them. Also like me although a Dom her husband asserted his authority without the need to arrogantly puff out his chest. In the room there were probably about seven of us single guys in total.

Being me I kept back and observed the events unfolding. One by one and without that seedy air of desperation sometimes displayed by single guys. someone would go forward and present his cock to be sucked. Everyone stuck by the rules and when one was being sucked noone else tried to ruin the moment by crowding or going in for a cheap grope. The sub wife had a way about her that was infectious. Friendly enthusiastic and above all not cold and functional but genuinely engaging. At this point I just couldn't resist.

By the end of the night she had been thoroughly fucked by myself and two other black gents. I really wish I had taken down their numbers. Were I to ever to get into gangbangs again these are the kind of guys I wouldn't mind partnering with. Like me the other two had professional backgrounds and crucially neither  of the other two were selfishly competitive. Things flowed naturally and neither of us tried to keep the sexy lady to ourselves.....hmmm I must check that place out again ;-) Anyway....

In my many years of experience I have seen it time and time again. Emotions will always play a role, even the most outwardly hardened of swingers have a chink in their armour. It's just a case of knowing where to look and recognising it.

Although the above is not directly related to the topic in hand I think there is a connection. Since becoming part of a couple and although we are both free to do our own thing I have noticed a distinct and noticeable change in tone from the couples I relate to. The most noticeable being a wife who just couldn't get her head around the fact that my partner was happy for me continue seeing them. So much so that she concluded that we should stop seeing each other. Had I continued to see them but behind my partners back I suspect she would have been a lot happier.

Another interesting reaction came from the sexy Indian wife mentioned in previous blogs. Up until meeting my partner she would invite me to her home about once a month. However although we still chat it has now been over for months since she last invited me. One very interesting phrase she has come up with more that once when talking generally in a swinging chat room we frequent was the fact that she likes the the idea of a guy clamouring for her attention.  Perhaps me not being so readily available for impulsive meets shatters that illusion and ruins the dynamic for her.

Two emotional responses to my change in circumstances that arguably from a logical point of view make no sense at all. My theories about the reasons for these responses may or may not be right but what's not in doubt is the fact that emotions played their part.

So bearing in mind the fact my desire to meet couples isn't going anywhere how has that changed my approach? I will expand on that in p/t 3

The Indian hot-wife and her non-cuckold? husband Part 1 of 2

It' has been a while since I wrote a blog but true to form the urge to write another is the morning after a night of pleasure with another mans wife. I thought now might be a good time to talk about Hitesh and Priya an Indian couple that I have been seeing for some months now. I also feel compelled to mention how we first met.

If you have been on the scene for a while you will probably be able to relate to what I am about to say. Swinging has turned me into a cynical skeptic. What do I mean by that? Bear with me while I have my little rant....... swinging contact sites are full to the brim with time wasters. They truly are the thorn in the side of genuine lifestylers and there are all kinds of people that I put under that umbrella. From fantasists, men posing as couples to people who's wives are not even aware of their husbands desire to see them fucked and the list goes on.

So with this in mind whenever I am approached by people I no longer allow myself to get excited until they have done enough to satisfy me that they are genuine. Fortunately I can now usually smell a time waster from a mile away.

Anyway, one of warning signs of a time waster is usually a couples unwillingness to send a face photo before meeting. The cynic in me tends to think they are either time wasters or I worry that the wife simply wont appeal to me.

But with Hitesh and Priya I broke one of my own rules. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and hope your instincts are right. On this occasion within two days of saying hello online I was chatting on the phone with the Priya and being invited to her home. I thought to myself there is no way I am going to drive the best part of two hours to their home but something in her voice drew me to her.

Hell lets face it I was curious too. She made it clear from the beginning that she did not like being pounded hard something I both enjoy and relish when fucking another mans wife. But I also have a very strong sensual side to my nature and it sounded like I would be free to express that side of myself with her.

So the plan was for me to visit their home but on the strict understanding that I would give Priya a slow un-rushed sensual massage. If things were to go further it was strictly her decision and that no prompting or persuading should come from me. Chemistry has always been the number one priority for me so I was happy to meet on this no pressure understanding to see what might develop.

On the date of the meet late on a Friday evening I was greeted at the door by her husband Hitesh. He led me to their living room and I sat on a sofa next to him, Priya sat opposite. Oh boy was I pleasantly surprised.....and relieved.

The sight that greeted me was that of an attractive long dark haired woman in a tight low cut dress that emphasised her curves. We exchanged the usual pleasantries and chatted about our likes and dislikes from a swinging perspective. However all the while beneath the surface of politeness I made it clear with my eyes that I wanted to fuck her. I also made no attempt to hide the bulge in my trousers.

After twenty to thirty minutes of relaxed conversation Priya made her way to Hitesh and sat on his lap. They began kissing and her proximity to me got me even more excited. Hitesh looked over at me and indicated that it was ok for me to join in..

We were now at what for me is the final hurdle when meeting a couple, the kiss. I need not have worried though, she was a natural. Her lips were full and soft and they greeted my mouth with just the right amount of skill and enthusiasm.

It told me everything I needed to know, that even if we didn't fuck that night a fuck was now a certainty. You just can't fake chemistry. This stunning Indian wife reminded me that she still wanted to be massaged so we made our way from the living room to the marital bed........to be continued.....