The problem with people is that they are not robots. Now this may seem like an obvious and bland statement but in the world of swinging and cuckolding it is both important and relevant. It is one thing to fantasise about consequence free sexual adventure but in fantasy that spanner in the works called emotion can often be underestimated when finally turning that fantasy into reality.
Until I see something to the contrary my experience tells me that there is no such thing as no strings attached sex. Emotions will always play a part even if at a very low level. It may be from you, the person you are having sex with or your partner. The key is to acknowledge it and deal with those emotions in a way that works best for you as an individual or as part of a couple. One coping strategy that used to irritate the hell out of me is the no kissing rule. I would still never knowingly meet a couple if not allowed to kiss the wife. But I do now have a more sympathetic understanding of the reasoning behind that stance.
Similarly I have to try not to be offended when invited to Gang Bangs by couples. Sure as a young buck I would have jumped at the opportunity but now as a more experienced mature Dom Bull I have to fight the compulsion not to be offended. I see myself as a lone wolf. Certainly not part of the pack. Actually let me be honest with you. Being invited to gang bangs does still offend me but I can understand how for some couples it creates a clearer distinction between their own love making and and fun they might have with others to enhance or compliment the sexual aspects of their relationship. So when asked I count to ten and fight down the urge to say "I'm a man not a f#*@ing prop you f##*ing ........." 1,2, 3..........easy boy lol....and yet the is always an exception to the rule. Late last year I went to a small swingers party in a warehouse close to Gatwick airport. Not a very busy event and there were only a handful of couple ladies and single guys but it worked.
Everyone was chilled out relaxed, friendly and conversational. At one point I went upstairs for a bit of a perv. A dominant husband was kissing and fingering his submissive wife. He momentarily paused to announce that anyone could join in and that the basic rule was that only one other person could touch her at any one time. Normally I would have switched off completely because nothing puts my back up more than being told what to do by a pushy, over eager or arrogant husband. But this couple had a friendly playful air about them. Also like me although a Dom her husband asserted his authority without the need to arrogantly puff out his chest. In the room there were probably about seven of us single guys in total.
Being me I kept back and observed the events unfolding. One by one and without that seedy air of desperation sometimes displayed by single guys. someone would go forward and present his cock to be sucked. Everyone stuck by the rules and when one was being sucked noone else tried to ruin the moment by crowding or going in for a cheap grope. The sub wife had a way about her that was infectious. Friendly enthusiastic and above all not cold and functional but genuinely engaging. At this point I just couldn't resist.
By the end of the night she had been thoroughly fucked by myself and two other black gents. I really wish I had taken down their numbers. Were I to ever to get into gangbangs again these are the kind of guys I wouldn't mind partnering with. Like me the other two had professional backgrounds and crucially neither of the other two were selfishly competitive. Things flowed naturally and neither of us tried to keep the sexy lady to ourselves.....hmmm I must check that place out again ;-) Anyway....
In my many years of experience I have seen it time and time again. Emotions will always play a role, even the most outwardly hardened of swingers have a chink in their armour. It's just a case of knowing where to look and recognising it.
Until I see something to the contrary my experience tells me that there is no such thing as no strings attached sex. Emotions will always play a part even if at a very low level. It may be from you, the person you are having sex with or your partner. The key is to acknowledge it and deal with those emotions in a way that works best for you as an individual or as part of a couple. One coping strategy that used to irritate the hell out of me is the no kissing rule. I would still never knowingly meet a couple if not allowed to kiss the wife. But I do now have a more sympathetic understanding of the reasoning behind that stance.
Similarly I have to try not to be offended when invited to Gang Bangs by couples. Sure as a young buck I would have jumped at the opportunity but now as a more experienced mature Dom Bull I have to fight the compulsion not to be offended. I see myself as a lone wolf. Certainly not part of the pack. Actually let me be honest with you. Being invited to gang bangs does still offend me but I can understand how for some couples it creates a clearer distinction between their own love making and and fun they might have with others to enhance or compliment the sexual aspects of their relationship. So when asked I count to ten and fight down the urge to say "I'm a man not a f#*@ing prop you f##*ing ........." 1,2, 3..........easy boy lol....and yet the is always an exception to the rule. Late last year I went to a small swingers party in a warehouse close to Gatwick airport. Not a very busy event and there were only a handful of couple ladies and single guys but it worked.
Everyone was chilled out relaxed, friendly and conversational. At one point I went upstairs for a bit of a perv. A dominant husband was kissing and fingering his submissive wife. He momentarily paused to announce that anyone could join in and that the basic rule was that only one other person could touch her at any one time. Normally I would have switched off completely because nothing puts my back up more than being told what to do by a pushy, over eager or arrogant husband. But this couple had a friendly playful air about them. Also like me although a Dom her husband asserted his authority without the need to arrogantly puff out his chest. In the room there were probably about seven of us single guys in total.
Being me I kept back and observed the events unfolding. One by one and without that seedy air of desperation sometimes displayed by single guys. someone would go forward and present his cock to be sucked. Everyone stuck by the rules and when one was being sucked noone else tried to ruin the moment by crowding or going in for a cheap grope. The sub wife had a way about her that was infectious. Friendly enthusiastic and above all not cold and functional but genuinely engaging. At this point I just couldn't resist.
By the end of the night she had been thoroughly fucked by myself and two other black gents. I really wish I had taken down their numbers. Were I to ever to get into gangbangs again these are the kind of guys I wouldn't mind partnering with. Like me the other two had professional backgrounds and crucially neither of the other two were selfishly competitive. Things flowed naturally and neither of us tried to keep the sexy lady to ourselves.....hmmm I must check that place out again ;-) Anyway....
In my many years of experience I have seen it time and time again. Emotions will always play a role, even the most outwardly hardened of swingers have a chink in their armour. It's just a case of knowing where to look and recognising it.
Although the above is not directly related to the topic in hand I think there is a connection. Since becoming part of a couple and although we are both free to do our own thing I have noticed a distinct and noticeable change in tone from the couples I relate to. The most noticeable being a wife who just couldn't get her head around the fact that my partner was happy for me continue seeing them. So much so that she concluded that we should stop seeing each other. Had I continued to see them but behind my partners back I suspect she would have been a lot happier.
Another interesting reaction came from the sexy Indian wife mentioned in previous blogs. Up until meeting my partner she would invite me to her home about once a month. However although we still chat it has now been over for months since she last invited me. One very interesting phrase she has come up with more that once when talking generally in a swinging chat room we frequent was the fact that she likes the the idea of a guy clamouring for her attention. Perhaps me not being so readily available for impulsive meets shatters that illusion and ruins the dynamic for her.
Two emotional responses to my change in circumstances that arguably from a logical point of view make no sense at all. My theories about the reasons for these responses may or may not be right but what's not in doubt is the fact that emotions played their part.
So bearing in mind the fact my desire to meet couples isn't going anywhere how has that changed my approach? I will expand on that in p/t 3
Another interesting reaction came from the sexy Indian wife mentioned in previous blogs. Up until meeting my partner she would invite me to her home about once a month. However although we still chat it has now been over for months since she last invited me. One very interesting phrase she has come up with more that once when talking generally in a swinging chat room we frequent was the fact that she likes the the idea of a guy clamouring for her attention. Perhaps me not being so readily available for impulsive meets shatters that illusion and ruins the dynamic for her.
Two emotional responses to my change in circumstances that arguably from a logical point of view make no sense at all. My theories about the reasons for these responses may or may not be right but what's not in doubt is the fact that emotions played their part.
So bearing in mind the fact my desire to meet couples isn't going anywhere how has that changed my approach? I will expand on that in p/t 3
Hi - interesting thing you mention about the indian lady. Like you, that is why I hang back from having a relationships. I think couple realise there a lot of single guys are there and fewer hotwives/couples. So they can feel they have the upper hand. Have you noticed a situation that I have come across - I play with a couple say once every 4/6 weeks - they live hour way - so the logistics take some time as they cant play at home. But the husband is always texting me to arrange the next meet - often I cant make it. And I sense he gets a bit miffed. Often I have other vanilla commitments. But I think couples realise they have the power in the swinging world and want their male friends to be on standby all the time
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