Desire vs fetishization – My take when its interracial

Maybe it’s all in my imagination but these days we seem to be living in a world of tribalistic extremes. Something that makes absolutely no sense to me because there is nothing more complex than the mind of a human being.

My sex life has often had an interracial dynamic but I am always aware that there is sometimes a delicate balance to be had and I am mindful not to inadvertently fetishize someone with a background different to my own or indeed put myself in situations where I feel fetishized.

I love what feels safe and familiar some things need not be communicated verbally…….you just know. But I am also forever curious about what makes us all different. When I watched a white guy fuck my ex I found it sexy as fuck and I tapped into my wank bank streaming service for weeks afterwards.

On the flip side when a guy guides my cock into his lady and her skin complexion is different to mine it’s sexy as fuck when all three of us get to admire the contrast as I slide in and out of her special yummy place. That curiosity for something different has certainly played a role in my non-monogamous sexual journey over the years. However on the flip side because I’m repelled by fetishization I was and never will be the “perfect” swinger. Even before I heard the word I have always drifted in the direction that could lead to polyamory and shied away from ONS whenever possible.

It's easy to side-step the extreme end of fetishization because the tell-tale signs soooooo blatantly obvious. With the more subtle levels it not so easy but in my experience pausing, not making assumptions and taking the time to get to know a person always helps.

Sex Gas Masks and Post Covid Cuddles

A cock a gimp and a care bear walked into a bar......there's a joke in there somewhere I just know there is 😂.

Anyway this is going to be one of my slightly unusual somewhat reflective curveball postings...

Just over a week ago I was in a cafe sat opposite to a married woman and flirting with the intention meeting her at a hotel on our second encounter. It was a hot day and she was wearing a summer dress and oh boy do I love admiring women wearing summer dresses. I made little to no effort to hide the fact that my gaze sometimes lingered on her chest and oh so yummy looking thighs.  However in spite of my addiction for married women I had no intention of fucking her. Now you'd be forgiven for being confused at this point but here's the thing.

When covid hit and we were all in lockdown I was not long out of a serious relationship, and I had just managed to make a really good connection with not one but two amazing cuckold couples. However, in a cruel twist of fate neither of them was local to me and long story short it led to what at first was an agonising 18 month period of enforced celibacy.

Once I had got to the point of "accepting my fate" I actually got quite used to the isolation. I was also very much mindful and aware of the fact that soo many people and families suffered terribly at this time. I myself focused on developing other areas of my life and quite enjoyed the isolation. The pause from the rat race was in many ways good for me and luckily for me feeling of loneliness were quite rare. However, whenever it did occur it was like a punch to the gut and the desire that dominated all others was the desire for cuddles. It even overpowered my lust for other men's wives and boy did that take me by surprise.

Lockdown got me thinking about the second world war and although I didn't do any deep research into the topic it got me wondering if that period of time was the birth place of the gas mask fetish. Did 2020 give birth to a cuddles fetish? I wonder what history will say.

I have always been a cuddles kinda guy but in a swinging context I have always been a little bit hesitant to cuddle as much as I would like for fear of my intentions being misread as romantic in the conventional sense of the word. I suppose its a bit like kissing someone's wife/girlfriend a bit too long it just looks weird and it can create unnecessary discomfort and tension. So I'd only ever kiss beyond the point of acceptable etiquette if the partner is a cuckold oh and the kiss would last even longer if I'm making him watch while sucking my cock mmmmmmmmmm. Got a bit carried away there.........now where was I?

Ah yes back to the topic at hand. During lockdown I did get into the odd conversation with women and like me some of them did indeed have the same ache to meet just for cuddles. So although it was never acted upon it did get me thinking. Just as having a Fuck Buddy or Friends With Benefits is seen as a complication free way to connect sexually. Couldn't a Cuddle Buddy serve a similar...ish role?

Its hilarious but I think I feel more self conscious coming out of the closet as a cuddles craver than I did as a Bull that also has deep cravings to suck cock. But it is was it is, covid unlocked a need in me that is greater than I realised and I feel a responsibility to be true and honest with myself just as much as I did when it dawned on me that I wasn't heterosexual.

Anyway lets transport ourselves back to my coffee with the married woman. At first things went really well we'd spent the best part of two hours in Costa chatting and enjoying each others company. However when dropping her home in the privacy of my car she admitted that her real agenda was to find men she felt comfortable enough to fuck as well as snuggle with for hours. 

Something switched in my brain. When I know a woman is "naughty" I'm like a moth to a flame. I instantly got horny and my cock was now pressing slightly painfully against my jeans. What should have been a friendly good bye kiss on the cheek ended up as a very passionate kiss I was soooooo ready to fuck at that point...........damn it!!

This may sound weird and you may be thinking "what the fuck are you crazy?" but in my quest for a genuine cuddle buddy I don't want penetrative sex to be on the agenda. I wrestled for a few days but then ultimately decided that it would be best not to take things further with the lady. Yes in the heat of the moment I'd probably go with the flow but on the flip side I don't want a cuddle buddy who is secretly feeling flustered and frustrated if a fuck isn't the final outcome. A sensual tease for some is something to be savored but for others it feels like vindictive torture. That's reason number one for deciding not to meet her again. Reason number two, I class myself as Ethically Non-Monogamous so although over the years I have fucked (polite cough) my fair share of other men's wives and girlfriends with relish it has never knowingly been without their consent, blessing or encouragement. 

Although I wouldn't throw a tantrum if a cuddle buddy transitioned into a FWB. I'm  still very specific in my desire for a platonic...ish cuddle buddy to bond with on a deep level too. I see it as one of several interesting ways to connect with a woman and I always love an adventure.

My quest continues.

A Polyamorous Bi Black Bull. Is That A Thing??? Part 3 of 3

........ on the surface Katherine appeared to have every non negotiable quality that I'm looking for in a woman. Intelligence, a kind heart and an open enquiring mind both in general and sexually. Not only does she have those qualities in abundance but she appeared to have so many "nice to have" qualities too. She sounded too good to be true so I decided to be cautious but to also keep an open mind.

One of my biggest areas of concern centred around whether or not Katherine would be comfortable knowing that as our relationship developed I would still be on the look out for both couples and single ladies. Its a bit of a tricky balancing act because although I wanted to be free to meet other people another priority was to give the relationship the opportunity to grow to it full potential if  things continued to go well.

We quickly came to the conclusion that for an indefinite period we would focus on getting to know each other. So if anyone were to be a fly on the wall when we were together they would be forgiven for thinking that we were a conventional couple dating and getting to know each other. However we did still continue to have separate adventures. The only condition being that all adventures with new people would include sober conversations about sexual health so that all concerned can continue to have their cake and eat it.

Although we were not attending swinging parties together we would share information. This was in part necessary because Katherine is still relatively new to the lifestyle and I have been using the benefit of my experience to guide her so as to help ensure that her experiences are as positive as possible. As an added bonus knowing that she has been seeing other men and women is a major turn on for me. What is torment for some is for me nothing short of pure lust filled bliss. 

Perhaps more often than not any time I meet Katherine there is a strong probability that another mans cock has been inside her. Want to know how much of a turn on this is for me? Put it this way while dating Katherine there was a period of time in which I was also dating a sexy black lady. She too was in her early days of exploring swinging and ethical non-monogamy. On one particular Saturday night Daniella had attended a BMFC interracial party by herself. I wanted to be sure she was ok so I told her to text me the following morning. When she did she said that she had been a very bad girl. I told her to stop talking and that I would be at her hotel room in an hour. I forbade her from giving me any more details until my cock was inside her.

I got to her hotel room with breakfast and boy was I eager to find out what she had been up to, she was just as eager to tell me. We finished our breakfast and then I slowly began teasing her pussy with my cock. She told me about how she had danced provocatively with two black men and that by the end of the night she had fucked three complete strangers. The lust I felt as she relayed her adventure was so intense my head spun. 

I'm forever saying that I love bad girls and have no time for good girls. That's not entirely true as it's also something of a crude over simplification.

Who I crave and most desire are sexually liberated nice women. To my mind something magical happens when a woman feels free enough to unshackle herself from guilt and simply enjoys the pleasures of sex. Its truly a wonder to behold and be a part of. I think this leads neatly on to one of the reasons why I am so sexually drawn to married women. 

Not being a woman all I have to go on is a bit of clumsy empathy. But with the way society is structured to impose guilt on women I imagine it must feel incredibly liberating to be in an environment where you can let go of all inhibition and set free ones deepest and darkest sexual desires safe in the knowledge that no judgement or negative consequences result from it. It must be the most amazing feeling. Its certainly a joy to be a part of.

Dipping into what is seen as taboo is partly why I so enjoy making cuckold handle my cock when I fuck their wife/girlfriend for the first time. For me its as symbolic as it is erotic to have the male half of a couple be the one to guild my cock into the woman he so loves.

On the flip side I am besides myself with excitement at the prospect of one day soon guiding another mans cock into my girlfriend's sweet pussy. I have seen one guy fuck her at yet another BMFC party but the novelty very quickly wore off. She too has now also seen me fuck another woman at a highly erotic couples party that we recently attended. Boy was that an exciting night. Just short of a year into our relationship that crucial question has now been answered for both of us. How will we each feel at the site of seeing the other being kissed or fucked by someone else. We both passed the test and can say with confidence that compersion is now fully interwoven within our relationship.

Anyway back to the interracial party. Katherine had a wonderful time being fucked by the guy. He had a good body and fucked my lady with great vigour but because he was straight and didn't have a collaborative "work together to please the lady" mindset boredom set in quite quickly. So I politely kicked him out of the room. Because of that slight mishap we now have new guidelines in place. If we're together and she see's a guy she likes and he is straight I won't hang around but just pop in and out of the room. But if he's a bicurious cock sucker like me then all three of us will feast to our hearts content.