The fluidity of swinging, cuckolding and all that bloody complicated stuff P/T 2 of 3

...........so what does an experienced swinger do when totally out of the blue and unplanned he falls in love? Talk about fucking things up, it messes with everything. More so when things come to a crashing end. What does one do and how does one even begin to get over it?

I had what I felt were two choices crawl into a cave to nurse my wounds or get back on my bike and fight through it as if nothing had happened. I chose the latter. But what if it happens again? Being the type of person that am I am forever analysing. One of my thousand and one theories is that broadly speaking although there can be a blurring of lines, swingers fall into one of two camps. Cold and detached on the surface or.....not sure how to label the other camp, heart on sleeve? emotionally in touch? emotionally in tune? hmm yes I think the last two might be good descriptions.

Anyway in my time as a swinger I have always tried to steer clear of people that choose the cold and detached on the surface approach. In the early days although I would always be polite...I think. 

It tended to piss me off. I saw it as cold dispassionate production line sex. Especially when people told me they have a "no kissing" rule. Boy, whenever I heard that phrase or read that in a profile......."if you don't wanna kiss me I certainly don't wanna fuck you, I'm a person not a f**king prop" .......lets just say it used to put my back up.

However over the years my stance has softened and I now see it as just one of several protection mechanisms that people use to navigate their way through the swinging lifestyle. Particularly with couples. Its just a way of separating what they do as swingers from what they do as a couple behind closed doors. It's still not for me though. It doesn't put my back up any more but for me the no kissing rule is a deal breaker.

So I got right back on my bike and started attending swinging events again. After all I had to start networking again. There were no couples that I was seeing at the time because quite frankly during my time spent with this lady although there was no monogamy on either side I just wasn't that interested in nurturing anything meaningful with anyone else. So in many ways it was very much like starting from scratch again. I had a few encounters but in reality my heart wasn't in it. Any time I drove to an event my thoughts would be consumed by this woman for the whole journey. so although i was able to shut her out of my mind when with someone else, as soon as I made my way home she would be back again. Yes I had fun but deep down I knew it was cold and functional. I'd joined the other camp............damn it man snap out of it and grow some balls I'd say to myself.

So here I am many months later still feeling the ripple effects of the impact this amazing woman had on me. What effect has it had on me. Where do I start? Well I'm still a Dom Bull but I no longer define myself as a Bull with nearly as much of my core sexual identity. I no longer have a single narrowly defined vision about what direction I want go in. Now I see a world of possibilities.

When you fall in love so completely and it comes to a painful end you can protect yourself so it doesn't happen again but thats just not me. I've had a taste of it now and painful as it can be, the flip side is oh so........well a couple of age old sayings have relevance here....better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. This is my favourite though. it has many variations and not normally applied to emotions but I like it.... "It is better to live one day as a lion than a lifetime as a lamb"

Forgive me but my mind is prone to going in all kind of directions, let me explore this thought process for a bit. One could argue that the swingers lifestyle is the emotional equivalent of world war one trenches or a gladiatorial arena. Is there any greater test of resilience where sex and love are concerned? Some survive others perish. You get post traumatic shock or you come out a stronger wiser being.....

The fluidity of swinging, cuckolding and all that bloody complicated stuff P/T 1 of 3

It has been a long time since I wrote my last blog. Why because in truth I just didn't really feel inclined to write yet another blog about an adventure with a couple while there was still a massive elephant in the room. That being the impact a woman had on me that has been so dramatic it just blew everything out of the water and forever altered my perceptions of reality. Even as I type I am hesitant to proceed, however I do find my blogs useful for clearing my thought processes. Besides, there is no law that says I have to publish this so lets see how I feel as I progress through this blog.

One of my reasons for hesitating is the persona one conveys as a Bull and my reluctance to expose any vulnerabilities. Having said that, the reality is that everyone has their vulnerabilities. The only thing that differs is how we carry them.

Beyond the walls of the lifestyle I have always been rather proud of the nicknames given to me by one of my closest friends. He knows just about everything that I get up to and is actually one of the reasons I started blogging in the first place. He kept pushing me to write a book about all my adventures. That sounded like too much hard work so we compromised with me writing a blog instead ;-)

Anyway he often refers to me as a vulcan, Data or Palpatine ( if you ain't a nerd you might not get it ) because of the rational, measured way I approach life even in times of extreme adversity. This has also been the approach used by me in my life as a swinger and for more years than I can remember. My initial reasons for focusing so much on couples had nothing to do with cuckolding. In fact in the early days the word barely registered in my consciousness. Due to my personal circumstances at the time I made the conscious decision to give single women a wide berth. Primarily to reduce the chances of emotional complications. Not just for my own protection but because of the code that I live by. I never want to knowingly be the source of emotional pain for anyone that I encounter.

Navigating the emotional tightrope with the wives and girlfriends of the couples I meet is almost like breathing for me. I don't do it consciously but somehow I just instinctively know how close to get without complications developing. Of course there is the occasional hiccup but more as part of the get to know you process than anything else.

Then it happened......A chance encounter with a single woman at a spa led to a friendship and that friendship led to something more. With her not being married I forgot to put my normal swingers filters up that stop me from getting too close to people. After all that's not what swinging is about.....is it?

I don't want to risk giving away her identity so I'm going to be very vague about my experiences with this woman and also how and why it came to an end. What I will say is this........bloody hell!! Now I get it. Up until meeting this woman I think I was just a casual interested observer of people experiencing the L word when its all consuming. In daily life I have often been the person people come to for advice in times of emotional turmoil. I always thought I gave good advice but never quite understood why friends couldn't quickly pull themselves together when their hearts were broken. Now I get it. Now I know why people curl up with tubs of ice cream, now I know why so many love songs are written and what the words REALLY mean ahhhh!!!

When it was good it was intoxicatingly good. I literally felt like an all powerful super being and that all things were possible. I was so sickeningly happy my non swinging friend wanted to punch me in the face and throw up. When things came to an end it was equally dramatic. I felt like Data with a malfunctioning emotion chip implant ( please forgive the reference if you're not a fellow nerd ). "turn it off, turn it off" were my thoughts.

So what now? Now things are calmer and my resilience is now back, I think, well kinda. Things have changed, I think for the better and my approach to swinging and cuckolding has now changed. All too subtle on the surface but the implications are far reaching.......

2016 New Year reflections: Do you have to be bisexual or bicurious to be a good Bull?

I am one of those people whose brains runs at 100 miles an hour as soon as I wake up in the morning. That is when my mind goes in all kinds of directions with thoughts and ideas. More so on a day like today. The first day in the year when I always find myself feeling reflective and contemplative about the year gone and the year ahead of me.

I see life as a never ending quest with twists and turns along the way. I don't let myself get too fixated on the end goal because I feel that with that approach there is always a danger that you will miss out on the joys and pleasures of the hear and now.

It is an approach not too dissimilar to how I fuck and how someone can best please me when giving my a blow job. I never ever think about how to make a woman cum and I never enjoy being given a blow job from someone that is obviously trying to make me come. Be intuitive yes, but just enjoy and savour the act for the pleasure of doing it and in time everything sorts itself out with much more rewarding results.

It is amazing how things can take unexpected turns. In my case two things have had a big impact on my life in relation to my journey as a Bull. The event that had the biggest impact is the unexpected emotional roller coater journey I had with a a single lady that I met just over a year ago. It blew my mind and I am still feeling the ripple effects. It was a very interesting learning experience. 

To this day I am still processing the impact it has had on me but one thing is for sure. I do now stand back every now and then to assess what is important to me and what makes me happy as an individual. In this context the ultimate questions are... will I forever be living the life of a Bull for cuckold couples. Will I settle down with a single lady or will I somehow combine the two? I don't yet know the answer to these questions. However the fact that I am now even contemplating multiple scenarios is interesting within itself as far as I am concerned.

The second thing that has had a big impact on me this year is my decision to embrace my bi side without any sense of shame, or discomfort. If you have read any of my previous blogs you will know that until I got into cuckolding and even with my many years of swinging behind me I was never conscious of a bi side that needed embracing. Previously if guys got too close to me in any kind of swinging situation. I would sometimes have to focus hard so as not to be put off and loose my erection. Fast forward to today and I almost feel like insisting that husbands give my cock a good suck or slip me into their wife before I fuck them lol. I jest but you get the point.

Once I realised that this was a part of my sexuality I had a decision to make. Do I do what most guys  with a closet bi side do. Deny it publicly but get up to all kinds in secret. Or do I embrace it? Now don't get me wrong i am not going to harshly judge anyone keeping this side to them a secret. Especially in the context of swinging. On swinging sites single males often outnumber couples and single ladies. So competitive as it is, for many guys it it not in their interest to say anything that might reduce their chances of meeting people to have fun with.

I too had to take that into account and as a black man it could be argued that among other black guys in the scene it could be frowned upon. So I had a decision to make, what would the fallout be, would friends and associate in the scene turn their backs on me and crucially would it result in less opportunities to meet sexy like minded ladies?

Casual scans of profiles on the swinging site I use the most FabSwingers.com reveal many profiles by couples that say "No bi men". On the flip side I often encounter profiles that say no straight men. The funny thing is, many couples profiles say that the guy is straight but they happily discuss the prospect of giving my cock a good suck when chatting to me.

Although it doesn't phase me if people describe me as bisexual. I don't regard it as an accurate description of myself. FetLife.com the fetish site I sometimes use allows for a more accurate description of how I see myself and that is Hetroflexible. However, if the day ever comes when I look into another man's eyes, get lost in them and feel an overwhelming urge to go on romantic walks with him you will be the first to know.

So back to the title of this blog. Do you have to be bi to be a good Bull? The answer to that question is no. Does it help? In my case and because I am particularly interested in cuckold couples, without a doubt having a flexible approach to my sexuality has worked very much in my favour. On balance I am convinced that it has opened more doors than it has closed. Am I having more fun as a result? 

Hell yes ;-)