How to swing as a couple and not fuck it up P/T 3 of 3

........Although I had been part of a swinging couple before. This was to be the first time I had a swinging partner at a time when my personal circumstances allowed me to be free to really explore where it might lead.

However, as hinted at previously there were some potential challenges on the way. Past experiences made Foxy wary of fully committing to the relationship and on a sexual level accepting me as her Dom.

On my part one of the biggest challenges was how would I feel about Foxy fucking other men. My past indicated that, the closer I got to a woman, the more complex my feeling would be about the idea of other men fucking her. By the end of our first month together our first big challenge presented itself to us.

Although I love the world of BDSM and kink, from my perspective there is one big negative: that being that at many events full sex is either banned or at best tolerated. Now that's a word I have never been a fan of. Anyway I had previously been made aware of an event called Subversion Noir. It had a strict kink dress code and it was no holds barred as far as sex and kink was concerned too. I really wanted to go and so did Foxy. Unfortunately she had already made arrangements to go with an existing fuck buddy. Now this fuck buddy just happened to be the first black guy she had ever been with......damn!

There's this thing. I don't know if it extends much into the vanilla world but within the swinging world us black guys feel a great sense of pride and satisfaction when we arrange to meet a white woman or couple and know it is to be their first adventure with a black man. It's not the least bit politically correct but boy does it feel good. We make an extra special effort to make a good impression, so as to reinforce that all too commonly used phrase......."once you go black............" I knew without a doubt that this guy would be very proud of the fact that he had taken Foxy's black cock virginity away from her. This was to be a big challenge for me.

As a person and as a swinger I have a code that I try to live by. Balance and fairness has always been very important to me. In a swinging context it's quite simple. If within a relationship and I want to be free to fuck other women, my partner should be free to fuck other men too. If I want to be free to keep seeing women that I have fucked in the past, then my partner should be free to do the same.

It was within this mindset that I assured Foxy that she should go ahead with her previous arrangement and that we would all meet at the club. However this was to be with two conditions 1) That this guy should call me so that I can get a sense of who he is and 2) That there would be no fucking between the two of them if I didn't feel comfortable with the situation once we got to the club.

The night of the event came but by the time we all got to the club I was in an ice cold fury. I won't bore you with the details but basically the jealous possessive side of my nature had been triggered. In part because jealousy has no requirement for reason or logic. Other contributing factors were Foxy and the guys lack of swinging experience and the etiquette normally instinctively understood by more experienced swingers.

After some coaxing from Foxy I managed to calm down enough to assess the situation with a bit more sanity. I suggested that we should all have a chat to clear the air. After all this was to be our first time out as a swinging couple and I didn't want it to end on such a sour note. We all agreed to find somewhere private to chat but on route Foxy's friend was approached by a woman who had taken a shine to him at a previous event. I myself tried to kill the time while waiting by chatting with the woman's female sub.

When I looked over at Foxy I could sense that something wasn't quite right. I wasn't sure if she was getting a bit of the green eyed monster too, so I tried to engage her in the conversation. That didn't work and after a short while she wandered off. I tried to disengage from the sub as quickly as possible without appearing rude and went off to find Foxy.

When I got to her she was in no mood to talk. I was basically told to leave her alone. She had previously told me that when she is angry or upset trying to talk to her would most likely just add fuel to the fire. I considered respecting her wishes but on our first night out in a seedy no holds barred club there was no way that was going to happen. I followed her for what felt like a life time fully aware that to any keen observer I would have looked comically pathetic.

I didn't care. I just thought to myself . You STUPID STUPID idiot you've gone and fucked it up now. The sense of panic I felt at that moment was terrifying and the fact I was so scared told me all I needed to know. I wanted Foxy in my life big time. This was not the time to play it cool. Regardless of how embarrassed I was about being in a situation like this in such a public place. At one point Foxy had got herself something to drink. I sat beside her and slowly tried to get her to talk to me. She explained that she was upset both with me and her fuck buddy friend. Our conversations with the two women  had left her feeling like a spare wheel and gave her the impression that we had not taken the current explosive situation seriously.

Eventually she opened up and we got talking. Yes wires had been crossed but on my side the green eyed monster had played a big role too. This was of great concern to me for a number of reasons. Thoughts of my previous failed swinging relationship flooded my mind and I began to wonder. When I have strong feeling for a woman do I have the right temperament and inner sense of security that will allow me to "share?" I thought to myself. If the answer to that question is no, then I'm truly fucked. I love swinging but I now also knew that I needed love in my life too. Was it really not possible for me to have both?

I put these thoughts to one side and decided to focus on ensuring that the rest of the evening was not a disaster. We wondered around trying to find Foxy's fuck buddy but when we couldn't find him we decided to just focus on enjoying the night. However there was to be another challenge that night. Before we had officially become a couple Foxy had met another black guy for a get to know you meal and he was likely to be at the club that night too. He eventually turned up and introduced himself to me for the first time. I was already wary of him because to date he had not introduced himself to me on FabSwingers, even though he was aware of my existence.

Call me a hardened cynic if you like but I have been in the swinging scene long enough to have come to the  unfortunate conclusion that to assume everyone has honourable intent is to be a fool. That said although the scene has some genuinely nice people. It is also full of sharks, wolves and hyenas and that among them some do have a sense of honour. So I always try to keep an open mind and give people the benefit of doubt.

This guy had a lot going for him. He was an intelligent professional and had the kind of body that pisses other guys off lol. BUT he knew how to play the swinging game. He was was patient, respectful of my relationship with Foxy and engaged me in conversation. His body language didn't convey any sense of entitlement or expectation so my guard was lowered. This is one of those areas where I think there is often a misunderstanding between swinging couples. The woman will often say "it doesn't matter what the other guy is thinking what matters is do you trust me? However from the Alpha males point of view that's not the point either. It's about the other guy showing due respect.

This guy did. So after a while I all but threw them together in one of the clubs glory hole booths. Foxy loves giving blow jobs with a passion and gets off on the fantasy of pleasing multiple guys in a glory hole. It was now my mission to make my lady happy so I grabbed the opportunity. Before long she was on her knees with this good looking black guys cock in her mouth. It was pitch black so I couldn't see anything, which was very frustrating, but from the sounds both of them were making they were having a good time. I wanted to join in and give him a suck too but I knew him to be straight so I had to hold back. After what seemed like ages he came in Foxy's mouth and they both left the booth. He had a massive grin on his face and thanked us both for the experience. Just how I used to behave with swinging and cuckold couples when I was single. Had this not been our first adventure in a swinging context I would have let them fuck but I believe in taking things slowly.

After chatting for a bit I told the guy that we wanted some time to ourselves which he respected. We wandered off and after playing on a swing we found a dimly lit area where I wanted to show Foxy off. She has the most amazing arse and I wanted people to see it. Before long we were approached by a few single guys who began caressing her body and massaging her tits. I picked one out and asked him to go with Foxy to one of the glory holes. None were available so I told her to suck him off in one of the busy corridors. She unzipped him and started to treat him with one of her magical blow jobs. They really are that good. She does it wish so much relish and enthusiasm you are in no doubt that she loves the feel of a nice cock in her mouth. As she did this I asked the guy if he was orally bi and he said that he was straight too, damn it!!

I think this was probably the moment when I decided to only knowingly seek out single straight men on very rare occasions at future events. Yes its fun watching Foxy suck cock but she loves it so much she looses all sense of time and after a while I just get bored watching.

That night and for several days later we went over the events of the night. We had both discussed the direction of our relationship beforehand and concluded that frank and honest communication was essential if we were to stand any chance of staying together as a couple. This applies to any couple but when you add swinging to the mix it becomes all the more crucial.

We concluded that although painful at the beginning. The night had been a major success. We had learnt a few things about each other and from a personal point of view I had a clearer picture of where my boundaries lay. I will explain this in more detail in my next blog. In that I will also describe the first bi party we attended in which Foxy got to experience another of her fantasies for the very first time.......lucky girl ;-)

How to swing as a couple and not fuck it up P/T 2 of 3

....... Although very naughty and very adventurous sexually. From a swinging perspective Foxy was still very new. Her approach was to keep a cautious but open mind about the possibility of things developing into something with roots. She was fine with letting things develop on a "lets see what happens" basis. She would have been fine with us just be friends, fuck buddies or friends with benefits as a starting point.

I too would have been happy with this too. That said I felt that Foxy was special and quite frankly if there was the potential of things developing into anything more serious I didn't want to let her just slip through my fingers, or fuck up.

In retrospect although my personal circumstances had now changed there are a number of things I did when I previously met someone special that could have played a part in things not working out for us. If you are in any way curious please feel free to take a look at the blog about the impact that she had on me. 

Foxy came into my life at a time when I was seeing two couples on a semi-regular basis. One cuckold, one bi. With the cuckold couple because they were only a 30 minute drive away I got to see them more often then any previous couple. The cuckold was still in need of much training but in other ways he showed so much potential. He was great at fluffing and seemed to relish the humiliation of rimming me while his girlfriend looked on.

The bi couple was something of a revelation to me. I met them at a swingers camping festival but was only after getting to know each other over a five month period that we actually played with each other. It was on one of these occasions when I organised a mini cuckold party that we had one of our most memorable adventures together. During the party itself I wasn't really in a playing mood. I was much more concerned about everyone having a good time. However after the party they stayed behind. Because we knew and trusted each other so well we always knew when it was ok for me to fuck the wife without using condoms. This was one of those occasions. As a Bull with multiple partners one of my rules was never to fuck more than one woman bareback during a given time period. Given a choice my preference would be for the woman to be the partner of a cuckold but this was pleasurable in its own way too. Not being a cuckold he wasn't there for clean up duties. Basically he liked to fuck too. What gave this couple pleasure was the sensation of the husband fucking his wife after I had shot my heavy load inside her. 

As mentioned in previous blogs my hard spurting heavy cum loads have been a source of great pleasure and amazement for the couples that I have met over the years. By the end of the night her pussy was over flowing with cum from both of us and boy did it feel good being inside her.

Oh I almost forgot to mention that the husband is a very big boy. They had previously told me that on a number of occasions they had met black males but they had not been able to perform. They would arrive with the preconception that hubby would be smaller and they weren't able to handle the different dynamic for some reason.

Anyway there came a moment when I was fucking the wife while she was sucking her husbands cock. As a voyeur I really appreciated the view and to my surprise I found myself struggling really hard to resist the urge to pop it in my mouth too. After all I'm a Bull. Bulls don't suck cock.

I eventually accepted/convinced myself that this was a totally different dynamic and started to suck and lick the tip of his cock while passionately kissing his wife. As I got more comfortable I took more of his cock in my mouth. He had sucked me on previous occasions before guiding me into his wife so I thought it fair to return the favour properly lol.

I have gone more into detail about the bi couple than the cuckold couple because the play with them is more relevant to the kind of swinging fun that I now indulge in with Foxy.

After that kiss I was eager to meet Foxy again. I had already made plans to meet my bi couple friends at their home and Foxy had previously made plans to meet a couple more single guys for get to know you drinks over that same weekend. This was to be my first challenge. I'm a swinger and I had only just met Foxy so naturally I should feel free to carry on as normal. She said she was cool with us both doing our own thing but a little voice in my head told me it was probably a bad idea for me to carry on as usual. Due in no small part to her occasional comment that she was feeling increasingly disillusioned with the whole process of dating.

I felt it crucial to try and make myself stand out in some way and somehow make it clear to Foxy that with me there would be the potential of creating something special. At this point I wasn't sure how things would develop but I instinctively sensed the importance of earning her respect.

She already knew about my plans with the bi couple and I told her that instead of feeling turned on at the prospect of meeting them it was beginning to feel like a duty. It may have sounded like some kind of noble gesture but in reality I simply wasn't interested in meeting and fucking anyone other than Foxy.

As an experienced and (polite cough) fairly promiscuous man. I had been around the block enough times to know that I should trust my instincts. I felt something and didn't want anything distracting me from giving Foxy my full attention.

Foxy ended up doing the same. Like me she cancelled her dates and invited me to her place to watch a Sci-Fi TV series that we are both fans of. Thus began my second challenge. I wanted to show Foxy that I wasn't just interested in her because of her oh so delicious looking body. As a Dom and a Bull I have always prided myself on my levels of self control. I was both determined and confident that on meeting we would have quality time getting to know each other free from the first time nerves of meeting to have sex.

I should have known this plan was flawed and doomed to fail when I offered to give Foxy a massage on her bed. I know it sounds stupid but I genuinely had no intention of taking things further. Certainly not consciously anyway. Over the next three to four weeks we met almost daily......after four weeks I finally accepted defeat. Where Foxy was concerned my levels of self control were comically pathetic. I just couldn't keep my hands off her.

I now had new challenges to contemplate......

How to swing as a couple and not fuck it up P/T 1 of 3

As mentioned in my previous blog, in order to be in a state of mind sane enough to move on emotionally, a face to face encounter with the woman I fell in love with was crucial. Now that I was actively hoping to meet single women as opposed to couples almost exclusively. Where was I to look? I had a good sense of what I was looking for although naturally if the chemistry was right I was prepared to be flexible enough to broaden my horizons. So what qualities was I hoping to find? Above all else, intelligence. It doesn't have to be academic intelligence although it can be a good indicator. A curious, open minded  inquiring mind coupled up with emotional intelligence is so important to me. I am prone to get bored and restless quite easily so only a woman with these core qualities can hope to hold my attention. A filthy, open minded, non-judgmental sexual mind would also be important.

Now that my mind was made up I thought to myself how the hell am I going to meet a woman with all of the qualities mentioned above? In the end I opted for a multi pronged approach. Traditional dating sites, swinging and fetish sites.

The traditional dating site/app route just didn't work for me. I saw some profiles that really showed potential but at the back of my mind I kept thinking to myself " the vanilla life just doesn't work for me" perhaps at some point in the future but right now? I also found myself wondering how I would bring up my past if I got close to someone and she wanted to know more about me. I have no interest in keeping secrets. Once upon a time I lead a double life and I have no intention of ever doing that again. There lay my dilemma, I am pretty sure the average woman on the street would freak out if I told her that I stopped counting how many woman I have fucked over the years as a swinger. I stopped counting long ago when I sailed past the number 40.

That left swinging and fetish sites. As a single male primarily identifying himself as a Bull looking for couples. Any single woman venturing across my profiles and blogs would have been forgiven for thinking I had no real interest in them. To be fair that had indeed been the truth for a number of years.

Once I started looking on my most used swinging and fetish sites I quickly discovered the general mood, tone and mindset of the single women I was encountering. On the swinging site although there were obviously exceptions to the rule. The mention of words like emotion, relationship and love almost felt like blasphemy. I am obviously exaggerating to a certain extent but one certainly got the impression that if you admitted to having emotional needs you were revealing some kind of guilty secret. In the sites discussion forums if someone made a posting suggesting that they wanted to date. There would always be at least one irritated response stating that it was not a dating site. However, there would also be encouraging messages from people saying that they met their partner through the site and that they couldn't be happier.

The fetish site I use is different in several ways......

As mentioned previously, my quest to find a partner in crime led to me discarding traditional dating sites and focusing most of my efforts on a swinging site FabSwingers and a fetish site FetLife.

Once I knew that I was on a quest to find someone like minded as my special other half I decided to put myself on a two year mission. I am one that believes that if you want something too eagerly or desperately it will elude you. Hence my decision to give myself what I felt to be ample time to find someone special. If indeed it was meant to be my destiny.

Being the ever horny person that I am. My quest did not mean I was willing to give up my life of depravity while still searching and dating. This was one of the reasons I felt that traditional dating would not work for me. I had no intention of lying to anyone and hoped that any woman I met from the swinging and kink scene would be a little more understanding if I wanted to keep my options open and not rush into anything while looking.

The plan was to combine my normal swinging and cuckolding of couples with attending social events in the kink world. With the aim of networking and getting to know people. This being in part because in the kink world I was not as well known to people.

I attended a few pub socials known as "munches" within the kink scene. Also because of my curiosity about rope bondage and how it could be used for imaginative sex games I attended a few rope play how-to workshops too.

I won't bore you with the details but this eventually let to me corresponding with Foxy. The conversation flowed naturally so naturally we arranged to meet face to face for a quick drink after work as we both work in central London.

We met outside a station and I took her to a local bar that I am familiar with. When we finally settled down and she took her coat off I got a good look at the shape of her body. I think the best way to describe it, is as being black man friendly. Curves everywhere ready to burst free from her dress. Generous hips and a cleavage that screamed "touch me".

The conversation was good and I loved the fact that we had so many shared interests of a nerdy nature as well as us both being somewhat deviant sexually. After the drink we walked back to the station where we would both be heading off in opposite directions on the Central line. On her platform I made an attempt to kiss Foxy.... lets just say it didn't go well. She later told me that my sexual intentions had been a little too clear from my body language in the bar. That said, she concluded that there had been enough positive aspects about me in other areas for her to give me a second chance......phew!!

Not long after that evening we met for lunch. She had a half day and my office was on her route home. On this occasion she walked me back to my building. This time she was of the mind that if I tried to kiss her again she wouldn't resist.

If you have read any of my previous blogs you will probably be aware that for me the kiss is the deal breaker. Everything else can feel perfect but if I don't feel anything when I kiss a women its over there and then. Experience has taught me if there is no passion and chemistry with the kiss, sex with that person won't be any better.

So as I said good bye to Foxy, I stepped close enough to invade her personal space and placed my hands on her hips. Then we kissed. Gentle teasing soft and sensual at first. Then with more passion. I wrapped my arms around her and we kissed some more. Fuck!!! I made my mind up there and then. Never has a lunch break gone so quickly. The rest of the day I was in a daze and could barely focus on anything. I wanted Foxy and I wanted her now.

Life being what it is I had a few challenges to deal with. Foxy had not long ago been in a relationship with a Dom that didn't go well and my open book policy about my sex life made her somewhat wary of me. Besides which I was just one of a few guys expressing and interest in her. How was I going to get Foxy to take me seriously?..........