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Saturday, 4 February 2017

How to swing as a couple and not fuck it up P/T 3 of 3

........Although I had been part of a swinging couple before. This was to be the first time I had a swinging partner at a time when my personal circumstances allowed me to be free to really explore where it might lead.

However, as hinted at previously there were some potential challenges on the way. Past experiences made Foxy wary of fully committing to the relationship and on a sexual level accepting me as her Dom.

On my part one of the biggest challenges was how would I feel about Foxy fucking other men. My past indicated that, the closer I got to a woman, the more complex my feeling would be about the idea of other men fucking her. By the end of our first month together our first big challenge presented itself to us.

Although I love the world of BDSM and kink, from my perspective there is one big negative: that being that at many events full sex is either banned or at best tolerated. Now that's a word I have never been a fan of. Anyway I had previously been made aware of an event called Subversion Noir. It had a strict kink dress code and it was no holds barred as far as sex and kink was concerned too. I really wanted to go and so did Foxy. Unfortunately she had already made arrangements to go with an existing fuck buddy. Now this fuck buddy just happened to be the first black guy she had ever been with......damn!

There's this thing. I don't know if it extends much into the vanilla world but within the swinging world us black guys feel a great sense of pride and satisfaction when we arrange to meet a white woman or couple and know it is to be their first adventure with a black man. It's not the least bit politically correct but boy does it feel good. We make an extra special effort to make a good impression, so as to reinforce that all too commonly used phrase......."once you go black............" I knew without a doubt that this guy would be very proud of the fact that he had taken Foxy's black cock virginity away from her. This was to be a big challenge for me.

As a person and as a swinger I have a code that I try to live by. Balance and fairness has always been very important to me. In a swinging context it's quite simple. If within a relationship and I want to be free to fuck other women, my partner should be free to fuck other men too. If I want to be free to keep seeing women that I have fucked in the past, then my partner should be free to do the same.

It was within this mindset that I assured Foxy that she should go ahead with her previous arrangement and that we would all meet at the club. However this was to be with two conditions 1) That this guy should call me so that I can get a sense of who he is and 2) That there would be no fucking between the two of them if I didn't feel comfortable with the situation once we got to the club.

The night of the event came but by the time we all got to the club I was in an ice cold fury. I won't bore you with the details but basically the jealous possessive side of my nature had been triggered. In part because jealousy has no requirement for reason or logic. Other contributing factors were Foxy and the guys lack of swinging experience and the etiquette normally instinctively understood by more experienced swingers.

After some coaxing from Foxy I managed to calm down enough to assess the situation with a bit more sanity. I suggested that we should all have a chat to clear the air. After all this was to be our first time out as a swinging couple and I didn't want it to end on such a sour note. We all agreed to find somewhere private to chat but on route Foxy's friend was approached by a woman who had taken a shine to him at a previous event. I myself tried to kill the time while waiting by chatting with the woman's female sub.

When I looked over at Foxy I could sense that something wasn't quite right. I wasn't sure if she was getting a bit of the green eyed monster too, so I tried to engage her in the conversation. That didn't work and after a short while she wandered off. I tried to disengage from the sub as quickly as possible without appearing rude and went off to find Foxy.

When I got to her she was in no mood to talk. I was basically told to leave her alone. She had previously told me that when she is angry or upset trying to talk to her would most likely just add fuel to the fire. I considered respecting her wishes but on our first night out in a seedy no holds barred club there was no way that was going to happen. I followed her for what felt like a life time fully aware that to any keen observer I would have looked comically pathetic.

I didn't care. I just thought to myself . You STUPID STUPID idiot you've gone and fucked it up now. The sense of panic I felt at that moment was terrifying and the fact I was so scared told me all I needed to know. I wanted Foxy in my life big time. This was not the time to play it cool. Regardless of how embarrassed I was about being in a situation like this in such a public place. At one point Foxy had got herself something to drink. I sat beside her and slowly tried to get her to talk to me. She explained that she was upset both with me and her fuck buddy friend. Our conversations with the two women  had left her feeling like a spare wheel and gave her the impression that we had not taken the current explosive situation seriously.

Eventually she opened up and we got talking. Yes wires had been crossed but on my side the green eyed monster had played a big role too. This was of great concern to me for a number of reasons. Thoughts of my previous failed swinging relationship flooded my mind and I began to wonder. When I have strong feeling for a woman do I have the right temperament and inner sense of security that will allow me to "share?" I thought to myself. If the answer to that question is no, then I'm truly fucked. I love swinging but I now also knew that I needed love in my life too. Was it really not possible for me to have both?

I put these thoughts to one side and decided to focus on ensuring that the rest of the evening was not a disaster. We wondered around trying to find Foxy's fuck buddy but when we couldn't find him we decided to just focus on enjoying the night. However there was to be another challenge that night. Before we had officially become a couple Foxy had met another black guy for a get to know you meal and he was likely to be at the club that night too. He eventually turned up and introduced himself to me for the first time. I was already wary of him because to date he had not introduced himself to me on FabSwingers, even though he was aware of my existence.

Call me a hardened cynic if you like but I have been in the swinging scene long enough to have come to the  unfortunate conclusion that to assume everyone has honourable intent is to be a fool. That said although the scene has some genuinely nice people. It is also full of sharks, wolves and hyenas and that among them some do have a sense of honour. So I always try to keep an open mind and give people the benefit of doubt.

This guy had a lot going for him. He was an intelligent professional and had the kind of body that pisses other guys off lol. BUT he knew how to play the swinging game. He was was patient, respectful of my relationship with Foxy and engaged me in conversation. His body language didn't convey any sense of entitlement or expectation so my guard was lowered. This is one of those areas where I think there is often a misunderstanding between swinging couples. The woman will often say "it doesn't matter what the other guy is thinking what matters is do you trust me? However from the Alpha males point of view that's not the point either. It's about the other guy showing due respect.

This guy did. So after a while I all but threw them together in one of the clubs glory hole booths. Foxy loves giving blow jobs with a passion and gets off on the fantasy of pleasing multiple guys in a glory hole. It was now my mission to make my lady happy so I grabbed the opportunity. Before long she was on her knees with this good looking black guys cock in her mouth. It was pitch black so I couldn't see anything, which was very frustrating, but from the sounds both of them were making they were having a good time. I wanted to join in and give him a suck too but I knew him to be straight so I had to hold back. After what seemed like ages he came in Foxy's mouth and they both left the booth. He had a massive grin on his face and thanked us both for the experience. Just how I used to behave with swinging and cuckold couples when I was single. Had this not been our first adventure in a swinging context I would have let them fuck but I believe in taking things slowly.

After chatting for a bit I told the guy that we wanted some time to ourselves which he respected. We wandered off and after playing on a swing we found a dimly lit area where I wanted to show Foxy off. She has the most amazing arse and I wanted people to see it. Before long we were approached by a few single guys who began caressing her body and massaging her tits. I picked one out and asked him to go with Foxy to one of the glory holes. None were available so I told her to suck him off in one of the busy corridors. She unzipped him and started to treat him with one of her magical blow jobs. They really are that good. She does it wish so much relish and enthusiasm you are in no doubt that she loves the feel of a nice cock in her mouth. As she did this I asked the guy if he was orally bi and he said that he was straight too, damn it!!

I think this was probably the moment when I decided to only knowingly seek out single straight men on very rare occasions at future events. Yes its fun watching Foxy suck cock but she loves it so much she looses all sense of time and after a while I just get bored watching.

That night and for several days later we went over the events of the night. We had both discussed the direction of our relationship beforehand and concluded that frank and honest communication was essential if we were to stand any chance of staying together as a couple. This applies to any couple but when you add swinging to the mix it becomes all the more crucial.

We concluded that although painful at the beginning. The night had been a major success. We had learnt a few things about each other and from a personal point of view I had a clearer picture of where my boundaries lay. I will explain this in more detail in my next blog. In that I will also describe the first bi party we attended in which Foxy got to experience another of her fantasies for the very first time.......lucky girl ;-)

How to swing as a couple and not fuck it up P/T 2 of 3

....... Although very naughty and very adventurous sexually. From a swinging perspective Foxy was still very new. Her approach was to keep a cautious but open mind about the possibility of things developing into something with roots. She was fine with letting things develop on a "lets see what happens" basis. She would have been fine with us just be friends, fuck buddies or friends with benefits as a starting point.

I too would have been happy with this too. That said I felt that Foxy was special and quite frankly if there was the potential of things developing into anything more serious I didn't want to let her just slip through my fingers, or fuck up.

In retrospect although my personal circumstances had now changed there are a number of things I did when I previously met someone special that could have played a part in things not working out for us. If you are in any way curious please feel free to take a look at the blog about the impact that she had on me. 

Foxy came into my life at a time when I was seeing two couples on a semi-regular basis. One cuckold, one bi. With the cuckold couple because they were only a 30 minute drive away I got to see them more often then any previous couple. The cuckold was still in need of much training but in other ways he showed so much potential. He was great at fluffing and seemed to relish the humiliation of rimming me while his girlfriend looked on.

The bi couple was something of a revelation to me. I met them at a swingers camping festival but was only after getting to know each other over a five month period that we actually played with each other. It was on one of these occasions when I organised a mini cuckold party that we had one of our most memorable adventures together. During the party itself I wasn't really in a playing mood. I was much more concerned about everyone having a good time. However after the party they stayed behind. Because we knew and trusted each other so well we always knew when it was ok for me to fuck the wife without using condoms. This was one of those occasions. As a Bull with multiple partners one of my rules was never to fuck more than one woman bareback during a given time period. Given a choice my preference would be for the woman to be the partner of a cuckold but this was pleasurable in its own way too. Not being a cuckold he wasn't there for clean up duties. Basically he liked to fuck too. What gave this couple pleasure was the sensation of the husband fucking his wife after I had shot my heavy load inside her. 

As mentioned in previous blogs my hard spurting heavy cum loads have been a source of great pleasure and amazement for the couples that I have met over the years. By the end of the night her pussy was over flowing with cum from both of us and boy did it feel good being inside her.

Oh I almost forgot to mention that the husband is a very big boy. They had previously told me that on a number of occasions they had met black males but they had not been able to perform. They would arrive with the preconception that hubby would be smaller and they weren't able to handle the different dynamic for some reason.

Anyway there came a moment when I was fucking the wife while she was sucking her husbands cock. As a voyeur I really appreciated the view and to my surprise I found myself struggling really hard to resist the urge to pop it in my mouth too. After all I'm a Bull. Bulls don't suck cock.

I eventually accepted/convinced myself that this was a totally different dynamic and started to suck and lick the tip of his cock while passionately kissing his wife. As I got more comfortable I took more of his cock in my mouth. He had sucked me on previous occasions before guiding me into his wife so I thought it fair to return the favour properly lol.



I have gone more into detail about the bi couple than the cuckold couple because the play with them is more relevant to the kind of swinging fun that I now indulge in with Foxy.

After that kiss I was eager to meet Foxy again. I had already made plans to meet my bi couple friends at their home and Foxy had previously made plans to meet a couple more single guys for get to know you drinks over that same weekend. This was to be my first challenge. I'm a swinger and I had only just met Foxy so naturally I should feel free to carry on as normal. She said she was cool with us both doing our own thing but a little voice in my head told me it was probably a bad idea for me to carry on as usual. Due in no small part to her occasional comment that she was feeling increasingly disillusioned with the whole process of dating.

I felt it crucial to try and make myself stand out in some way and somehow make it clear to Foxy that with me there would be the potential of creating something special. At this point I wasn't sure how things would develop but I instinctively sensed the importance of earning her respect.

She already knew about my plans with the bi couple and I told her that instead of feeling turned on at the prospect of meeting them it was beginning to feel like a duty. It may have sounded like some kind of noble gesture but in reality I simply wasn't interested in meeting and fucking anyone other than Foxy.

As an experienced and (polite cough) fairly promiscuous man. I had been around the block enough times to know that I should trust my instincts. I felt something and didn't want anything distracting me from giving Foxy my full attention.

Foxy ended up doing the same. Like me she cancelled her dates and invited me to her place to watch a Sci-Fi TV series that we are both fans of. Thus began my second challenge. I wanted to show Foxy that I wasn't just interested in her because of her oh so delicious looking body. As a Dom and a Bull I have always prided myself on my levels of self control. I was both determined and confident that on meeting we would have quality time getting to know each other free from the first time nerves of meeting to have sex.

I should have known this plan was flawed and doomed to fail when I offered to give Foxy a massage on her bed. I know it sounds stupid but I genuinely had no intention of taking things further. Certainly not consciously anyway. Over the next three to four weeks we met almost daily......after four weeks I finally accepted defeat. Where Foxy was concerned my levels of self control were comically pathetic. I just couldn't keep my hands off her.

I now had new challenges to contemplate......





Wednesday, 28 September 2016

How to swing as a couple and not fuck it up P/T 1 of 3

As mentioned in my previous blog, in order to be in a state of mind sane enough to move on emotionally, a face to face encounter with the woman I fell in love with was crucial. Now that I was actively hoping to meet single women as opposed to couples almost exclusively. Where was I to look? I had a good sense of what I was looking for although naturally if the chemistry was right I was prepared to be flexible enough to broaden my horizons. So what qualities was I hoping to find? Above all else, intelligence. It doesn't have to be academic intelligence although it can be a good indicator. A curious, open minded  inquiring mind coupled up with emotional intelligence is so important to me. I am prone to get bored and restless quite easily so only a woman with these core qualities can hope to hold my attention. A filthy, open minded, non-judgmental sexual mind would also be important.

Now that my mind was made up I thought to myself how the hell am I going to meet a woman with all of the qualities mentioned above? In the end I opted for a multi pronged approach. Traditional dating sites, swinging and fetish sites.

The traditional dating site/app route just didn't work for me. I saw some profiles that really showed potential but at the back of my mind I kept thinking to myself " the vanilla life just doesn't work for me" perhaps at some point in the future but right now? I also found myself wondering how I would bring up my past if I got close to someone and she wanted to know more about me. I have no interest in keeping secrets. Once upon a time I lead a double life and I have no intention of ever doing that again. There lay my dilemma, I am pretty sure the average woman on the street would freak out if I told her that I stopped counting how many woman I have fucked over the years as a swinger. I stopped counting long ago when I sailed past the number 40.

That left swinging and fetish sites. As a single male primarily identifying himself as a Bull looking for couples. Any single woman venturing across my profiles and blogs would have been forgiven for thinking I had no real interest in them. To be fair that had indeed been the truth for a number of years.

Once I started looking on my most used swinging and fetish sites I quickly discovered the general mood, tone and mindset of the single women I was encountering. On the swinging site although there were obviously exceptions to the rule. The mention of words like emotion, relationship and love almost felt like blasphemy. I am obviously exaggerating to a certain extent but one certainly got the impression that if you admitted to having emotional needs you were revealing some kind of guilty secret. In the sites discussion forums if someone made a posting suggesting that they wanted to date. There would always be at least one irritated response stating that it was not a dating site. However, there would also be encouraging messages from people saying that they met their partner through the site and that they couldn't be happier.

The fetish site I use is different in several ways......

As mentioned previously, my quest to find a partner in crime led to me discarding traditional dating sites and focusing most of my efforts on a swinging site FabSwingers and a fetish site FetLife.

Once I knew that I was on a quest to find someone like minded as my special other half I decided to put myself on a two year mission. I am one that believes that if you want something too eagerly or desperately it will elude you. Hence my decision to give myself what I felt to be ample time to find someone special. If indeed it was meant to be my destiny.

Being the ever horny person that I am. My quest did not mean I was willing to give up my life of depravity while still searching and dating. This was one of the reasons I felt that traditional dating would not work for me. I had no intention of lying to anyone and hoped that any woman I met from the swinging and kink scene would be a little more understanding if I wanted to keep my options open and not rush into anything while looking.

The plan was to combine my normal swinging and cuckolding of couples with attending social events in the kink world. With the aim of networking and getting to know people. This being in part because in the kink world I was not as well known to people.

I attended a few pub socials known as "munches" within the kink scene. Also because of my curiosity about rope bondage and how it could be used for imaginative sex games I attended a few rope play how-to workshops too.

I won't bore you with the details but this eventually let to me corresponding with Foxy. The conversation flowed naturally so naturally we arranged to meet face to face for a quick drink after work as we both work in central London.

We met outside a station and I took her to a local bar that I am familiar with. When we finally settled down and she took her coat off I got a good look at the shape of her body. I think the best way to describe it, is as being black man friendly. Curves everywhere ready to burst free from her dress. Generous hips and a cleavage that screamed "touch me".

The conversation was good and I loved the fact that we had so many shared interests of a nerdy nature as well as us both being somewhat deviant sexually. After the drink we walked back to the station where we would both be heading off in opposite directions on the Central line. On her platform I made an attempt to kiss Foxy.... lets just say it didn't go well. She later told me that my sexual intentions had been a little too clear from my body language in the bar. That said, she concluded that there had been enough positive aspects about me in other areas for her to give me a second chance......phew!!

Not long after that evening we met for lunch. She had a half day and my office was on her route home. On this occasion she walked me back to my building. This time she was of the mind that if I tried to kiss her again she wouldn't resist.

If you have read any of my previous blogs you will probably be aware that for me the kiss is the deal breaker. Everything else can feel perfect but if I don't feel anything when I kiss a women its over there and then. Experience has taught me if there is no passion and chemistry with the kiss, sex with that person won't be any better.

So as I said good bye to Foxy, I stepped close enough to invade her personal space and placed my hands on her hips. Then we kissed. Gentle teasing soft and sensual at first. Then with more passion. I wrapped my arms around her and we kissed some more. Fuck!!! I made my mind up there and then. Never has a lunch break gone so quickly. The rest of the day I was in a daze and could barely focus on anything. I wanted Foxy and I wanted her now.

Life being what it is I had a few challenges to deal with. Foxy had not long ago been in a relationship with a Dom that didn't go well and my open book policy about my sex life made her somewhat wary of me. Besides which I was just one of a few guys expressing and interest in her. How was I going to get Foxy to take me seriously?..........

Monday, 8 August 2016

The fluidity of swinging, cuckolding and all that bloody complicated stuff P/T 3 of 3

......it has taken a while for me to complete this particular blog for a couple of reasons. One because of the fact I have been busy with other things but more importantly because of a need for some kind of resolution. For several months I had been looking forward to a very popular annual swinging event. I knew that it would be a great opportunity to have fun, socialise with like minded people and also figure out what direction I might want to go in next....however at the back of my mind was a feeling that after over a year I might also get an opportunity to meet the woman I had fallen for. 

As with a previous festival, although there were multiple opportunities to binge on pleasurable activities. I spent a fair proportion of my time socialising with friends. It was on one of these occasions that I saw her........oh shit!!!! There was me standing in a tent chatting with two couples and then I spotted her sat chatting with a guy just  short distance away. I kept my cool and carried on. There was no way she wasn't aware of my presence but like me she carried on chatting as if nothing out of the ordinary was occurring. I felt my heart thumping and my legs go weak. But interestingly not nearly as much as the last time our paths had crossed after things had come to an end.

Boy was I pathetic on that occasion. On reflection I think I came across as needy and weak. I could barely formulate a clear thought at the time. So you can imagine the rubbish that would have spurted out of my mouth lol. By the way I don't beat myself up over how pathetically needy I think I was, my philosophy is to learn from past mistakes. These were emotions never before felt so powerfully and deeply and they had to be expressed one way or another. Had I hoped to win her back at the time I couldn't have more effectively repelled her. After all it was my mental strength and inner confidence that had first played a part in turning her head. 

When my conversation with my friends came to an end I approached her. This was to be the first of a number of encounters over the long weekend. Each time it got a little easier but by the end of the weekend it was clear that for the first time in my life there was to be no post relationship friendship. For reasons only known to her it was clear that she had constructed a well fortified impenetrable emotional fortress.

For me this was sad for a number of reasons. I had lost all sexual desire for this lady long ago. The thing that I now missed most was her companionship and friendship. She is a very intelligent powerful woman and I was always drawn to those qualities in her. I was also drawn to the more vulnerable side of her nature. She always had and still did carry herself with a unique confidence all of her own, but I had known her well enough to see right through it. I have my theories for the reasons but I never tried too hard to unpick them as I had hoped that over time this amazing woman would have realised that she was safe in my hands and opened up to me more freely. I also regretted the fact that I would not get the opportunity to  thank her for the positive impact she has had on me. Yes there is pain but there have been so many positives too. However this was not to be. There wasn't even the slightest chink in her armour. Perhaps because of her personality, perhaps it was her way of being cruel to be kind or perhaps it was a combination of the two.

Either way I now finally knew with concrete certainty where I stood. So when I got home I suddenly felt free, unburdened and able to move on emotionally . Up until this point no one stood a chance of even getting close to capturing my heart.  In some ways I am a typical swinger, I get restless and easily bored. More often that not it would suite me not to meet someone more than once or twice a month and even that would be pushing it. But with the woman I fell for, even when we had met several times a week I was never bored and would begin to miss her even  as I dropped her off and lost sight of her through my rear view mirror. Yep I had it bad, no one could compete with the memory of this woman. Plus there was always the thought at the back of my mind..."what if out paths cross and she comes back into my life?"....Talk about my Achilles heel!!

Enough time has now passed for me to realise that I haven't suddenly turned into some kind of emotional wreck. I simply accepted the fact....concluded, that some people can have such an overwhelming impact on you that you are literally defenceless. So I asked myself what am I to learn from this rollercoaster experience. Am I to put up defensive walls to protect myself from harms way?  In short "hell no"

Life is for living. The way I see it you can't numb yourself from the deepest pain without numbing yourself from the possibility of the purest joy. Although all too brief I have had a taste of it now and I would like it again thank you very much. It also dawned on me that my effectiveness as a Bull meeting couples has relied on my natural ability to numb my emotions to a certain extent while still being in tune with the needs of the couples that I have encountered. In my fantasies from the perspective of a Bull the ultimate cuckold couple would be ready willing and able to to put the time and commitment into making an arrangement or relationship like this work. However experience has taught me that a deep interest in cuckolding is not the same as a commitment to cuckolding as a lifestyle. In all my years of indulging in cuckold play with couples. It was only with one couple the potential for growth into a genuine poly type relationship looked like a potential reality. By the way this has never been a problem for me. I was content with however things might have panned out. However as a result I have always held something back. With couples, especially cuckold couples I have always felt that this was always the best way to proceed. Slow, steady, with keen observation of the couple's relationship dynamic and patience. Always mindful never to fully unleash my passions until or unless I felt that the situation warranted it.

But that is no longer enough and I am now at a point where it feels like focusing on couples is too much like putting all my eggs in one basket. Although I have now met a couple of single ladies. Prior to my final encounter with the woman I fell for. When meeting single women I was guiltily of unfairly comparing them to her.

Now for the first time in a long while I feel free to be me, raw and unfiltered. This freedom was perfectly expressed at a third festival that ended just yesterday morning. There was me at a bar chatting with a couple when I felt the back of my head being sensually scratched. I turned around to discover an attractive woman looking and smiling at me. I laughed light heartedly looked away then looked back again. She was still focused on me so this time I looked back with an unmasked intensity I don't quite allow myself with other peoples wives and girlfriends. Experience can give you what feels like a sixth sense. So when you really look at someone sometimes there are no need for words. So none were said we just kissed with a passionate intensity. The same thing occurred again with this woman on the second night of the festival. Although we conversed afterwards when we first saw each other in a social setting we locked eyes on each other again. There simply were no need for words. The body language and eye contact had left no requirement for a verbal translation.

So where do I go from here. Will I finally find the right couple or does my destiny lie with an open minded women, this time on a path like mine. Or will it be both? Both would be nice because I really enjoy meeting couples and the pleasure I get while an in-love couple kiss while licking and sucking my cock together is nothing short of heavenly bliss. However, horny as that may be it falls a poor second place to spending quality time with the right woman and waking up in the morning to the feel of her arm resting gently on my chest. I hope I am able to get the best of both worlds.

Not that I intend to paint myself into a corner but if I had to choose between an open minded love interest or the ultimate fantasy cuckold couple? Well I think by this point you can guess which one I would go for. I honestly have no idea what the future has in store for me, but for me the unknown is now an open invitation for adventure.


Saturday, 18 June 2016

The fluidity of swinging, cuckolding and all that bloody complicated stuff P/T 2 of 3

...........so what does an experienced swinger do when totally out of the blue and unplanned he falls in love? Talk about fucking things up, it messes with everything. More so when things come to a crashing end. What does one do and how does one even begin to get over it?


I had what I felt were two choices crawl into a cave to nurse my wounds or get back on my bike and fight through it as if nothing had happened. I chose the latter. But what if it happens again? Being the type of person that am I am forever analysing. One of my thousand and one theories is that broadly speaking although there can be a blurring of lines, swingers fall into one of two camps. Cold and detached on the surface or.....not sure how to label the other camp, heart on sleeve? emotionally in touch? emotionally in tune? hmm yes I think the last two might be good descriptions.

Anyway in my time as a swinger I have always tried to steer clear of people that choose the cold and detached on the surface approach. In the early days although I would always be polite...I think. 
It tended to piss me off. I saw it as cold dispassionate production line sex. Especially when people told me they have a "no kissing" rule. Boy, whenever I heard that phrase or read that in a profile......."if you don't wanna kiss me I certainly don't wanna fuck you, I'm a person not a f**king prop" .......lets just say it used to put my back up.

However over the years my stance has softened and I now see it as just one of several protection mechanisms that people use to navigate their way through the swinging lifestyle. Particularly with couples. Its just a way of separating what they do as swingers from what they do as a couple behind closed doors. It's still not for me though. It doesn't put my back up any more but for me the no kissing rule is a deal breaker.

So I got right back on my bike and started attending swinging events again. After all I had to start networking again. There were no couples that I was seeing at the time because quite frankly during my time spent with this lady although there was no monogamy on either side I just wasn't that interested in nurturing anything meaningful with anyone else. So in many ways it was very much like starting from scratch again. I had a few encounters but in reality my heart wasn't in it. Any time I drove to an event my thoughts would be consumed by this woman for the whole journey. so although i was able to shut her out of my mind when with someone else, as soon as I made my way home she would be back again. Yes I had fun but deep down I knew it was cold and functional. I'd joined the other camp............damn it man snap out of it and grow some balls I'd say to myself.

So here I am many months later still feeling the ripple effects of the impact this amazing woman had on me. What effect has it had on me. Where do I start? Well I'm still a Dom Bull but I no longer define myself as a Bull with nearly as much of my core sexual identity. I no longer have a single narrowly defined vision about what direction I want go in. Now I see a world of possibilities.

When you fall in love so completely and it comes to a painful end you can protect yourself so it doesn't happen again but thats just not me. I've had a taste of it now and painful as it can be, the flip side is oh so........well a couple of age old sayings have relevance here....better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. This is my favourite though. it has many variations and not normally applied to emotions but I like it.... "It is better to live one day as a lion than a lifetime as a lamb"

Forgive me but my mind is prone to going in all kind of directions, let me explore this thought process for a bit. One could argue that the swingers lifestyle is the emotional equivalent of world war one trenches or a gladiatorial arena. Is there any greater test of resilience where sex and love are concerned? Some survive others perish. You get post traumatic shock or you come out a stronger wiser being.....


Thursday, 16 June 2016

The fluidity of swinging, cuckolding and all that bloody complicated stuff P/T 1 of 3

It has been a long time since I wrote my last blog. Why because in truth I just didn't really feel inclined to write yet another blog about an adventure with a couple while there was still a massive elephant in the room. That being the impact a woman had on me that has been so dramatic it just blew everything out of the water and forever altered my perceptions of reality. Even as I type I am hesitant to proceed, however I do find my blogs useful for clearing my thought processes. Besides, there is no law that says I have to publish this so lets see how I feel as I progress through this blog.

One of my reasons for hesitating is the persona one conveys as a Bull and my reluctance to expose any vulnerabilities. Having said that, the reality is that everyone has their vulnerabilities. The only thing that differs is how we carry them.

Beyond the walls of the lifestyle I have always been rather proud of the nicknames given to me by one of my closest friends. He knows just about everything that I get up to and is actually one of the reasons I started blogging in the first place. He kept pushing me to write a book about all my adventures. That sounded like too much hard work so we compromised with me writing a blog instead ;-)

Anyway he often refers to me as a vulcan, Data or Palpatine ( if you ain't a nerd you might not get it ) because of the rational, measured way I approach life even in times of extreme adversity. This has also been the approach used by me in my life as a swinger and for more years than I can remember. My initial reasons for focusing so much on couples had nothing to do with cuckolding. In fact in the early days the word barely registered in my consciousness. Due to my personal circumstances at the time I made the conscious decision to give single women a wide berth. Primarily to reduce the chances of emotional complications. Not just for my own protection but because of the code that I live by. I never want to knowingly be the source of emotional pain for anyone that I encounter.

Navigating the emotional tightrope with the wives and girlfriends of the couples I meet is almost like breathing for me. I don't do it consciously but somehow I just instinctively know how close to get without complications developing. Of course there is the occasional hiccup but more as part of the get to know you process than anything else.

Then it happened......A chance encounter with a single woman at a spa led to a friendship and that friendship led to something more. With her not being married I forgot to put my normal swingers filters up that stop me from getting too close to people. After all that's not what swinging is about.....is it?

I don't want to risk giving away her identity so I'm going to be very vague about my experiences with this woman and also how and why it came to an end. What I will say is this........bloody hell!! Now I get it. Up until meeting this woman I think I was just a casual interested observer of people experiencing the L word when its all consuming. In daily life I have often been the person people come to for advice in times of emotional turmoil. I always thought I gave good advice but never quite understood why friends couldn't quickly pull themselves together when their hearts were broken. Now I get it. Now I know why people curl up with tubs of ice cream, now I know why so many love songs are written and what the words REALLY mean ahhhh!!!

When it was good it was intoxicatingly good. I literally felt like an all powerful super being and that all things were possible. I was so sickeningly happy my non swinging friend wanted to punch me in the face and throw up. When things came to an end it was equally dramatic. I felt like Data with a malfunctioning emotion chip implant ( please forgive the reference if you're not a fellow nerd ). "turn it off, turn it off" were my thoughts.

So what now? Now things are calmer and my resilience is now back, I think, well kinda. Things have changed, I think for the better and my approach to swinging and cuckolding has now changed. All too subtle on the surface but the implications are far reaching.......


Friday, 1 January 2016

2016 New Year reflections: Do you have to be bisexual or bicurious to be a good Bull?

I am one of those people whose brains runs at 100 miles an hour as soon as I wake up in the morning. That is when my mind goes in all kinds of directions with thoughts and ideas. More so on a day like today. The first day in the year when I always find myself feeling reflective and contemplative about the year gone and the year ahead of me.

I see life as a never ending quest with twists and turns along the way. I don't let myself get too fixated on the end goal because I feel that with that approach there is always a danger that you will miss out on the joys and pleasures of the hear and now.

It is an approach not too dissimilar to how I fuck and how someone can best please me when giving my a blow job. I never ever think about how to make a woman cum and I never enjoy being given a blow job from someone that is obviously trying to make me come. Be intuitive yes, but just enjoy and savour the act for the pleasure of doing it and in time everything sorts itself out with much more rewarding results.

It is amazing how things can take unexpected turns. In my case two things have had a big impact on my life in relation to my journey as a Bull. The event that had the biggest impact is the unexpected emotional roller coater journey I had with a a single lady that I met just over a year ago. It blew my mind and I am still feeling the ripple effects. It was a very interesting learning experience. 

To this day I am still processing the impact it has had on me but one thing is for sure. I do now stand back every now and then to assess what is important to me and what makes me happy as an individual. In this context the ultimate questions are... will I forever be living the life of a Bull for cuckold couples. Will I settle down with a single lady or will I somehow combine the two? I don't yet know the answer to these questions. However the fact that I am now even contemplating multiple scenarios is interesting within itself as far as I am concerned.

The second thing that has had a big impact on me this year is my decision to embrace my bi side without any sense of shame, or discomfort. If you have read any of my previous blogs you will know that until I got into cuckolding and even with my many years of swinging behind me I was never conscious of a bi side that needed embracing. Previously if guys got too close to me in any kind of swinging situation. I would sometimes have to focus hard so as not to be put off and loose my erection. Fast forward to today and I almost feel like insisting that husbands give my cock a good suck or slip me into their wife before I fuck them lol. I jest but you get the point.

Once I realised that this was a part of my sexuality I had a decision to make. Do I do what most guys  with a closet bi side do. Deny it publicly but get up to all kinds in secret. Or do I embrace it? Now don't get me wrong i am not going to harshly judge anyone keeping this side to them a secret. Especially in the context of swinging. On swinging sites single males often outnumber couples and single ladies. So competitive as it is, for many guys it it not in their interest to say anything that might reduce their chances of meeting people to have fun with.

I too had to take that into account and as a black man it could be argued that among other black guys in the scene it could be frowned upon. So I had a decision to make, what would the fallout be, would friends and associate in the scene turn their backs on me and crucially would it result in less opportunities to meet sexy like minded ladies?

Casual scans of profiles on the swinging site I use the most FabSwingers.com reveal many profiles by couples that say "No bi men". On the flip side I often encounter profiles that say no straight men. The funny thing is, many couples profiles say that the guy is straight but they happily discuss the prospect of giving my cock a good suck when chatting to me.

Although it doesn't phase me if people describe me as bisexual. I don't regard it as an accurate description of myself. FetLife.com the fetish site I sometimes use allows for a more accurate description of how I see myself and that is Hetroflexible. However, if the day ever comes when I look into another man's eyes, get lost in them and feel an overwhelming urge to go on romantic walks with him you will be the first to know.

So back to the title of this blog. Do you have to be bi to be a good Bull? The answer to that question is no. Does it help? In my case and because I am particularly interested in cuckold couples, without a doubt having a flexible approach to my sexuality has worked very much in my favour. On balance I am convinced that it has opened more doors than it has closed. Am I having more fun as a result? 

Hell yes ;-)