Swinging, cuckolding and the dreaded L word Part 2 of 3

The problem with people is that they are not robots.  Now this may seem like an obvious and bland statement but in the world of swinging and cuckolding it is both important and relevant. It is one thing to fantasise about consequence free sexual adventure but in fantasy that spanner in the works called emotion can often be underestimated when finally turning that fantasy into reality.

Until I see something to the contrary my experience tells me that there is no such thing as no strings attached sex. Emotions will always play a part even if at a very low level. It may be from you, the person you are having sex with or your partner. The key is to acknowledge it and deal with those emotions in a way that works best for you as an individual or as part of a couple. One coping strategy that used to irritate the hell out of me is the no kissing rule. I would still never knowingly meet a couple if not allowed to kiss the wife. But I do now have a more sympathetic understanding of the reasoning behind that stance.

Similarly I have to try not to be offended when invited to Gang Bangs by couples. Sure as a young buck I would have jumped at the opportunity but now as a more experienced mature Dom Bull I have to fight the compulsion not to be offended. I see myself as a lone wolf. Certainly not part of the pack. Actually let me be honest with you. Being invited to gang bangs does still offend me but I can understand how for some couples it creates a clearer distinction between their own love making and and fun they might have with others to enhance or compliment the sexual aspects of their relationship. So when asked I count to ten and fight down the urge to say "I'm a man not a f#*@ing prop you f##*ing ........." 1,2, 3..........easy boy lol....and yet the is always an exception to the rule. Late last year I went to a small swingers party in a warehouse close to Gatwick airport. Not a very busy event and there were only a handful of couple ladies and single guys but it worked.

Everyone was chilled out relaxed, friendly and conversational. At one point I went upstairs for a bit of a perv. A dominant husband was kissing and fingering his submissive wife. He momentarily paused to announce that anyone could join in and that the basic rule was that only one other person could touch her at any one time. Normally I would have switched off completely because nothing puts my back up more than being told what to do by a pushy, over eager or arrogant husband. But this couple had a friendly playful air about them. Also like me although a Dom her husband asserted his authority without the need to arrogantly puff out his chest. In the room there were probably about seven of us single guys in total.

Being me I kept back and observed the events unfolding. One by one and without that seedy air of desperation sometimes displayed by single guys. someone would go forward and present his cock to be sucked. Everyone stuck by the rules and when one was being sucked noone else tried to ruin the moment by crowding or going in for a cheap grope. The sub wife had a way about her that was infectious. Friendly enthusiastic and above all not cold and functional but genuinely engaging. At this point I just couldn't resist.

By the end of the night she had been thoroughly fucked by myself and two other black gents. I really wish I had taken down their numbers. Were I to ever to get into gangbangs again these are the kind of guys I wouldn't mind partnering with. Like me the other two had professional backgrounds and crucially neither  of the other two were selfishly competitive. Things flowed naturally and neither of us tried to keep the sexy lady to ourselves.....hmmm I must check that place out again ;-) Anyway....

In my many years of experience I have seen it time and time again. Emotions will always play a role, even the most outwardly hardened of swingers have a chink in their armour. It's just a case of knowing where to look and recognising it.

Although the above is not directly related to the topic in hand I think there is a connection. Since becoming part of a couple and although we are both free to do our own thing I have noticed a distinct and noticeable change in tone from the couples I relate to. The most noticeable being a wife who just couldn't get her head around the fact that my partner was happy for me continue seeing them. So much so that she concluded that we should stop seeing each other. Had I continued to see them but behind my partners back I suspect she would have been a lot happier.

Another interesting reaction came from the sexy Indian wife mentioned in previous blogs. Up until meeting my partner she would invite me to her home about once a month. However although we still chat it has now been over for months since she last invited me. One very interesting phrase she has come up with more that once when talking generally in a swinging chat room we frequent was the fact that she likes the the idea of a guy clamouring for her attention.  Perhaps me not being so readily available for impulsive meets shatters that illusion and ruins the dynamic for her.

Two emotional responses to my change in circumstances that arguably from a logical point of view make no sense at all. My theories about the reasons for these responses may or may not be right but what's not in doubt is the fact that emotions played their part.

So bearing in mind the fact my desire to meet couples isn't going anywhere how has that changed my approach? I will expand on that in p/t 3

Swinging, cuckolding and the dreaded L word Part 1 of 3

Anyone that knows me well will be shocked to discover that of late I have been spending my time not with someones wife but with a single woman. This was never a part of the plan. Not only for me but for her too.

The original idea from both our perspectives was to merely keep each other company on route to swinging events as we lived so close to each other. That plus the fact we share nerdy interest interests outside of the scene made for fun conversations that always made the time fly past.

Due to my personal circumstances, for the past two years I made a conscious effort to stay away from single women. Why? Partly due to past experiences. Simply put I didn't want to risk the emotional complications that can occur when you get on really well with a fuck buddy or friend with benefits. I hate the idea of hurting people even if unintentional.

Also, from a swinging perspective it was because I didn’t want to get close to anyone who wouldn’t understand my passionate interest in the cuckold lifestyle as a Bull. However this fiercely independent woman that I am now with has fundamentally altered my perspective. As a disciplined Bull I have always prided myself on my ability to master my emotions. MASTER being the key word. I have long felt that suppressing or denying ones emotions is an exercise in self deception and self harm. However I also strongly believe we have a choice in terms of how much we feed and water those same emotions.

As I have said before one of the things that attracted me to cuckolding couples as opposed to normal swinging is the potential for a deeper level of intimacy. However I have always been mindful never to feed and water the emotions involved to a level that would cause harm or hurt anyone involved.

Having said all that I’m not a robot so although not in a rush I was always hopeful of one day finding a couple that was of a mindset similar to mine and secure enough in their relationship to be open to the possibly that the lust and friendship may indeed turn to some form of love at some point and evolve into a poly type relationship.

But, as indicated in my last blog in reality I saw nothing to indicate that a scenario like that was even on the horizon. So imagine my surprise when almost by accident I find myself getting to know a single woman who not just accepts my passion for cuckolding couples but actually gets turned on by it. So much so that given the right circumstances she would jump at the chance to watch or join me when I’m having fun with a cuckold couple. With her being fully Bi, completely filthy and naturally dominant with women by nature the possibilities are endless.

I have no doubt that her fiercely untameable independent nature made me feel free and safe enough to feed and water my feelings for her and let them flourish into the depth of feeling that I have for her now. Likewise my acceptance of her nature and her knowledge that I have no desire to control her have had the same effect on her too.

That said. Since starting this relationship the reactions I have had from couples I already know has been rather interesting. Perhaps even negative and that surprised me at first. I have one or two half thought out theories which I will begin to explore further in part two....

Bulls need TLC too !!

2014 Was a good year for me and it was a year I put to good use. I'm one of those people that likes to broaden and deepen my knowledge when something is of great interest to me. The cuckolding of couples is one of those things.  The more I got to know couples both in conversation and in person the more it fascinated me. As a result last year was dedicated to the purpose of finding the cuckold version of sole mates. I had a vision of a beautiful three way friendship full of trust in which the cuckold would instinctively sense when it was time to take a back seat know his place and facilitate the needs of myself and his wife for pleasure.

In reality I never did meet a couple where the condition were such that we could truly commit to each other and explore the richness of such a delicious meeting of minds and bodies. More often than not it was due to distance or the couple not having enough time available for me to consider any form of exclusivity, or freely going bareback with the wife.

During this time I also made a conscious effort not to get too close to any single ladies. Why because I didn't want anything to distract me from my goal or cause complications if the right couple suddenly came into the picture. Although a potentially good strategy it is one that comes with a down side.

Now some of you may feel that when a man shares his feelings it is somehow unmanly. In my mind that is a whole lot of bullshit. In no small part due to my experience as a Dom I long ago concluded that the sharing of feelings is crucial in creating trust and understanding between a Dom and a sub. I have and will always most certainly apply these principles when dealing with cuckold couples too.

As much as I relish the subtle and sometimes overt humiliation of cuckolds my DNA is also hardwired with a need to give and receive soppy intimate kisses and cuddles too So far this has turned into something of a challenge with the  cuckold couple that I met in 2014.

In my vision of the perfect cuckold couple dynamic, for me there is variety. Sometime the cuckold is there to serve, sometimes he can only watch. Sometimes he can only listen from another room and sometimes he is not there at all. I see this as ideal for a number of reasons. Variety keeps things interesting and uncertainty for the cuckold adds to the sexual tension and makes the cuckold appreciate his treats when he has been good enough to deserve them. 

Also on a practical level if as a cuckold you genuinely want a Bull to be interested in your wife for a sustained period of time you must learn the value of stepping back and allowing them to spend quality time together.

This is where it gets so tricky. After all cuckolds are still men and as a man I can understand the protective instinct a man has for his wife. He wants to protect her from both physical and mental harm. Plus there is always natural jealousy. what if the Bull tries to take the wife away. What if the wife secretly wants a way out. all kinds of things can make a person feel nervous, uncertain or insecure. A cuckold has to navigate through these all to human thoughts along side the overpowering desire to be cuckolded.

As it is with a Dom and a Sub a good Bull understand that power and authority is willingly handed over it can't be forced and this can only happen when there is good communication, trust mutual respect and boundaries firmly in place.

However, speaking from a Dom Bulls perspective.....my perspective. If you truly want to hold a Bulls attention. If regular meets are truly your desire, it is essential that conditions are in place to allow a bond to develop between the wife and the Bull. Nothing makes me loose interest in a couple quicker than an inaccessible wife. I always make a point of getting to know the cuckold. However, for me there also has to be some kind of mechanism that allows me to get to know and hopefully bond with the wife. Private txt or phone chats is the bare minimum for me. An occasional night alone with her is even better.

So if as a couple the thought of the wife out alone with the Bull is unthinkable even after a several meets a reality check is in order. I would argue that real cuckolding isn't for you. My suggestion would be to stick to swinging and hot-wife fun and steer clear of genuine Bulls. 

My own reality check has been the acceptance that many if not most couples are not ready to take that leap and leave the Bull free to bond with the wife. For some it will never happen and for others it is a growth and trust process that would take time. However as a single male I came to the conclusion that it wasn't enough. Quiet intimate moments are important to me too. So this year I decided to open my eyes and no longer block out other opportunities for pleasure.

Be it luck or fate I have now been fortunate enough to meet a fiercely independent single lady who is turning out to be the ideal companion for me. Like me she has an absolutely filthy imaginative mind but along with that she is caring and like me really enjoys long moments of sensual kisses and cuddles. We are both committed to having fun both together and separately. Plus she is genuinely supportive about my passion for cuckold couples. So much so that she would quite happily wave my cock in a cuckold's face and tease him with it lol......yep I see 2015 opening up with a wealth of opportunities for pleasure where my interests and those of my new friend can cross over and blend in an oh so deliciously naughty fashion........